Places I've (Mostly) Never Seen

It’s been a busy couple of weeks getting things moved into our new home, and I have to admit, I’m pretty exhausted. The labor, both physical and emotional that it takes to move into a new space is outrageous, and I’m still adjusting. I have considered all day about a topic to write about, but nothing really came to me until a few minutes ago. I don’t have anything structured, or deep, or even tidy to share. Instead, I thought it’d be best to give you another little glimpse into who I am, and share some of the places that I want to someday visit.

The first on my list has to be Ireland. Since childhood, I have been fascinated with tales of Irish lore, and the beauty of the country. All my life, for almost as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to walk on the grounds of the Emerald Isle. Whether it’s the culture, or the romance that seems to surround the stories from Ireland, I’ve always felt pulled there by some invisible force. I’m a sucker for rich history, folklore, and beautiful scenery, so it’s no wonder that it calls to me.

Likewise, Italy is on my list for many of the same reasons. Rome, Naples, Venice, I’d love to see it all. Seeing pictures of all the sights that Italy has to offer is one thing, but it’d be completely something else to experience it for myself. And can I mention the food? Just the thought makes my mouth water, to think of delving into authentic Italian food!

Paris. Who doesn’t want to go to Paris?! The romance, the Eiffel tower, the Louvre. Coffee in outside bistros. Croissants. Coq au vin. The whole French experience. I love museums, so to be able to go to one of the most important, renown museums in the would be such a treat. There’s such a luxury and magic about some of these European countries, and I would love to be able to go and soak in all that they have to offer!

In America, there are also places I’ve always wanted to see. Top of that list was Boston. Yes, I’ve been, but as I was there for such a short amount of time, I really want to go back. There’s an ambiance about Boston that is so unique, and I absolutely love it! I would love to really immerse myself in the city, and see all the things I didn’t get to see on my first trip. I’m not a sports fan either, but I have to say it’d be something to see the Red Sox play at Fenway. I’d love to visit Salem again, as well.

NYC has always been on my to do list as well. The closest I’ve been has been an abysmal layover at La Guardia that had me in tears. I want to soak in the gritty vibrance that is New York, to eat at some of the acclaimed restaurants. I want to see Times Square, and the Statue of Liberty. There are a million things to do in NYC, and I crave the opportunity to get to do them all. First and foremost though would have to be a visit to Broadway. To see a musical on Broadway would probably just make my life ten times better than I ever imagined. Whether it’s Wicked, or Hamilton (THERE’S a dream for ya!) or Dear Evan Hansen, one day I WILL achieve this dream. It’s not so far out of reach!

Finally, I’d have to say I’d love to visit San Francisco. My best friend lived there for a few years, but I was never able to go while she was there, but I’ve always wanted to go. Yes, I want to do all the touristy things from the Fisherman’s Wharf, to the Golden Gate Bridge and all that, but I’d love to see all the places that Melissa would recommend. I feel like it’d give a chance to see the part of her life that I missed out on while she lived there. Plus, it’s so different from where I’ve always lived that I know it’d be a great adventure!

I know this wasn’t much of a blog this week, friends, and I hope you’ll forgive me for it. I just didn’t have the energy to write about the hopelessness that seems to permeate the very air these days. I wanted to focus on something light and fun, and not to strenuous on the brain. Next week, we’ll tackle something a little more thought provoking, perhaps! Until then!

What about the Kids?

When I was thinking about what to write for this week’s blog, I figured I’d do something easy and simple, like documenting our big move into our first home. However, that’s going to have to take a backseat, because, once again, friends, I am ANGRY. When our internet was finally set up and I logged on, what was the first thing I see? Trump and his stupid space force, but that’s another topic for another time. No, I see videos and pictures of children in cages. I hear their echoing sobs of terror. Why? Because they were taken from their parents. And I thought to myself, “this is just about the most evil, inhumane you can do, to rip a screaming, terrified child from his or her parents’ arms.” There is a special place in hell for everyone in this administration, you guys, AND everyone supporting it. If saying so loses me friends, so be it. Whatever you think about immigration, and I don’t really care, taking someone’s children is NEVER THE ANSWER. Let me say that again for the stubborn people in the way back that refuse to hear me: TAKING CHILDREN FROM THEIR PARENTS IS NOT THE ANSWER.

My heart is absolutely breaking for these parents, and their children. You see, it doesn’t matter if they’re entering the country illegally or legally, asking for asylum or what have you. To take someone’s children away is without question unconscionable. What if it were you? What if you were fleeing from a country, terrified for your life, wanting only the best for your children and knowing the only way you can do that is to go to a country that doesn’t want you? What if when you got there, your children were summarily pulled screaming from your arms against your will, and taken to a “tender age facility” where they were given blankets and made to sleep on concrete floors? If after thinking about that you can still say, ‘well they shouldn’t cross the border,” then there’s a serious problem. These children didn’t do anything wrong! They are innocents, caught in the human rights nightmare that Trump and his zealots have caused. Why is this separation necessary? Why do it at all? WHY? There IS no reason. It’s cruelty for cruelty’s sake, done to a group of people that don’t have the means to fight back. It’s not even bullying at this point, it’s simply hate. Yes, hate, because if you can sit and listen to those kids sob for their moms while they sit in cages, then you’re simply heartless. The fact of it all is this: you’re never going to see the government round up white children and put them in what is basically a detention camp. Don’t tell me this is about “border control” or “keeping America safe from MS-13”. These children have nothing to do with either of those things. You’re punishing families for the gall to want better for their kids.

Our entire nation is founded on immigration. Every person living in this country today, aside from full blooded Native Americans, came from somewhere else. Just because you were born here, or your parents were, or even grandparents, that doesn’t make you any better or more important than those that are coming to live here now. Becoming an American citizen isn’t easy.  The path can take years, and that’s if you are lucky. When you are desperate to make a better life for your family, or in real, physical danger of losing your life, there are choices made that may not be the legal ones, but that doesn’t make them wrong, either. I saw something today that said “the people that hid Anne Frank were breaking the law, and the ones that killed her were following it.” Let that sink in, and realize how precarious our situation is here in America. By not stopping this horror, we are saying it’s okay to take someone’s children and put them in camps. We’re descending down an increasingly dark path in which not only are our morals being challenged but our humanity. Do we want to be known as a country that allows this to happen? Do we want to be compared to Nazi Germany? Because guess what? WE ARE. The longer we continue down this road, the worse things will get. If we don’t stop this, there’s no telling what future atrocities will occur.

I admit, I used to be one of the people saying “if you can’t do it legally, don’t come into this country.” I didn’t understand the intricacies of immigration, or how hard that path to citizenship is. I was incredibly naïve as to the process.  As I’ve grown as a person, and began to learn more about the complex political world we live in, I’ve come to see that I was wrong. I was making judgments based on things I’d heard all my life, and not what I actually thought myself. My thoughts on immigration aren’t as simple as open or closed borders. America has many opportunities for people, and yes, protocol should be followed, but at the same time, we shouldn’t make it so incredibly difficult to live here. It shouldn’t take years to gain citizenship. Our predecessors didn’t have to go through all the hoops and challenges to live here. Yet, at every point in our nation’s history immigrants have been seen as lesser by “full blooded Americans.” The Irish were seen as lazy drunks. The Italians were portrayed as thieves, or dirty. There were even laws passed to limit the immigration of Chinese, Asian, Greek, Italian, and Eastern Europeans starting in the late 1800s and into the 1920s, according to my brief research. Basically, you were only allowed to immigrate here if you were white enough. Sound familiar? Here we are, in 2018, still telling people that they aren’t good enough to live here. The very things that make them who they are, such as the tone of their skin, their varied cultures, their language, make them undesirable to live here. It’s 1920s thinking persisting almost 100 years later.

The whole point, and the scariest thing about this new “zero tolerance” policy, is that it’s making it so much easier for an immoral, crooked, disingenuous administration to test the waters for what horrors Americans will tolerate. “Okay, so they didn’t say anything about us not taking care of Puerto Ricans after the hurricane. That’s good. Good for nothing bad hombres coming into our country? Hell no! Take the kids, shove them into cages! That’ll teach them! We got away with that?! All right, let’s start sending them ALL to camps, and make them EARN their allegiance to us, but they still can’t have rights! And if they don’t do what we say, well, I guess we know what happens next, right?” I can see it so clearly, the direction they want to take.  What Trump and his administration are doing is using tactics of fear to control a group of people that cannot stand against them. It’s abuse, and emotional terrorism, and Trump and his cronies know it. If we as a nation allow it to happen, then we are just as vile as he is.

My final thought is this: what makes America truly great is this rich tapestry of different cultures enmeshing with one another to create what we’ve come to know as American culture. It’s the different cuisine, the richness of intertwining dialects and languages, the bold stamp of different cultures on our fashion. It’s seeing an Indian child, a black child, a Hispanic child, and a white child all playing together on a playground, learning from one another. It’s communities built from nothing, and neighbors helping neighbors just because. Our similarities are greater than our differences. Underneath the different hues of our skin, we are but flesh and bone. We can only be great as a nation, and proud as a nation, when we lift one another up, and help those that are in need. We are ALL descendants of immigrants, or immigrants ourselves, and we should never forget that.

If you want to help these children, and their families, please call and write your senators and government officials! You can also donate to the charities I’ve listed below.  Fighting injustice and inhumanity starts with us.

ACLU

https://action.aclu.org/give/make-tax-deductible-gift-aclu-foundation-0?s_src=FNNC180001C00&ms=web_about_dif_fdn

RAICES

https://www.facebook.com/donate/490507544717085/

My Top Ten Favorite Beauty Products

My top 10 favorite beauty products

Excitement and stress are vying for top billing in my mind this week. With our big move only a week away, and Scoot’s last day of school this week, things are a little nuts! As I start tying up loose ends, making contacts for all the deposits for our new home, it seems I almost forgot to write this week’s post! However, I didn’t, and I’m here, so there’s that!  This week is short and simple. I’m going to review 10 of my favorite beauty products that I have tried within the last year or so. Without further ado, here we go!

1.      Julep’s With a Twist mascara: This is BY FAR the best mascara I’ve ever used. I love so many things about it that I barely know hwere to begin. First, I guess is that there is no nasty, chemical mascara smell to the product. It goes on smooth and is very buildable to the perfect amount of coverage. Second is the brush itself. The wand is adjustable, making it so this mascara both lengthens and volumizes. Third, it actually helps your natural lashes grow. Yes, I said grow. And yes, it’s true. My lashes are quite a bit longer than they were before I started using this product. The only downside to this mascara is that it isn’t waterproof. However, I can live without that (and honestly, I wore it in Fenway in pouring down rain and it didn’t track down my face at all. So there’s that.). I cannot stress enough how much I recommend this product!!

2.      Julep’s Love Your Bare Face Detoxifying stick: I swear, I’m not sponsored by Julep, (But if that’s a thing, PLEASE, Jane Park, hit me up!) I just love their products. This stick is a wonderful exfoliant and cleanser. It’s an easy, one step way to wash your face, and gently sluff off dead skin cells. It doesn’t dry out or tighten my skin, and has helped so much with this pesky adult acne that has been plaguing me for years now. It has a very light fragrance, barely noticeable, and this one tube will last for months with daily use. I think I average about 3-4 months per tube, and I sometimes use it as a mask as well. 

3.      Julep It’s Whipped : This is my favorite lip product. I absolutely love how easy it is to apply, and how rich and pigmented the color is. I have at least 8 shades! One of my favorites is Liplock, a berry red that is the only red lipstick I’ve found that complements my skintone. It’s just the right shade of red! They carry tons of colors, and they feel great on. As most matte lip colors are, it can be a touch drying, but not nearly as bad as some products I’ve tried. Amazon unfortunately only has links for a couple of shades, but you can find others at the Julep website (julep.com) or at Ulta. 

4.       Sara Happ The Dream slip: Okay, this is probably the priciest thing on the list per volume. I realize that. However, this stuff is AMAZING. I’ve been using it for about two months now just at night and it has rejuvenated my lips. From late October of last year until April this year, I had a terrible split in the corner of my mouth. You know, one of those places that will just keep bleeding and opening up because of where it’s at? Yep, that was happening. Every time I’d take a bite of food, it’d split open for days at a time and bleed. Other times it’d almost heal completely, only to open back up again. Needless to say, I was frustrated and wondering if the spot would ever heal. Enter this stuff. Within two weeks of using this, that spot had healed completely. My lips stay hydrated all through the day, and don’t chap as easily either. My lipstick goes on smoother as well. Just a teensy dab at bedtime is enough! This has really been a surprise product for me, and I know I’m going to hate it when my little bottle runs out. And can we talk about packaging? It just looks fancy! It makes me feel like an elegant sophisticated lady. 

      

5.      Lorac 3 in 1 primer:  Let me tell you, this stuff will give you SHIMMER. It goes on silky smooth and truly does illuminate your skin. You’ll feel like a late 2000s vampire….in a good way of course. I like the texture and the ease of application, and I will admit, I love that extra pop of sparkle as well! I haven’t tried Lorac’s blush, which is included in this link, but I’d say give it a go! I actually got this primer in a small gift set from Kohl’s so it’s one of my first experiences with Lorac, but I like it. I’ll be looking forward to trying more of them in the future!

6.  BH Cosmetics Galaxy chic palette: I love this little palette. The colors are really lovely, and they go on great. The packaging is beautiful as well. I use this palette a lot, because it has more neutral colors as well as some wilder shades, just in case I’m in the mood to play around some! It’s a fun addition to my makeup collection. Plus, as far as eyeshadow palettes go, it’s priced well!  

7.    Lumene Valo Glow Reveal Moisturizer: I love, love, LOVE this stuff! Last year, I received a full size sample of the product from the company, and from the first time I used it, I was sold. This is the perfect moisturizer for my skin. It is light, airy, and has the lightest fragrance of citrus. It absorbs quickly into the skin, and doesn’t leave me feeling oily or over moisturized. This small jar lasts months with daily use, and only takes a finger tip’s worth of product with every use for your whole face. I have recommended this to so many people! I will continue to recommend it, because it really is that great. It’s also not super expensive, which is even better!

8.   Nyx Lip Lingerie: This is another of my favorite lip products. When I say this stuff lasts, it LASTS. Once it dries, it ain’t budging! There are tons of colors with frisky little names, as the product name suggests! It dries quite matte and lasts for hours, so it’s great if you’re going out to dinner or drinks. It can be drying on the lips, so I recommend some lip balm before to keep your lips hydrated. The best part? So many places sell this stuff, and it’s a great price!

9.     Physician’s Formula Butter Highlighter: This is a fairly recent find, as I have just recently started my foray into highlighters and bronzers. I love how velvety smooth this is, and how easy it goes on. It’s weightless and provides enough shimmer and color to make you feel glowing and incandescent without looking like a disco ball. Plus, it smells faintly of coconut, so you feel like you’re at the beach every time you apply it! I like that it’s a buildable coverage, so you can have as little or as much as you want! Once again, this is priced well, so it won’t break the bank, but you will still look like a million bucks!

10.      Julep 5 in 1 Cushion Complexion: First things first, finding the perfect foundation is a pain in the ass for me. I’m pale. I don’t know my undertones, and the “helpful” guides that are supposed to help me figure it out only confuse me more. I love this stuff. This little tube with a sponge applicator will apply as little or as much coverage as you want. It works as a concealer or your foundation, or both! I’ve even seen some women use different shades for contouring, and it looks great. The coverage is buildable, and the product goes on smoothly. It blends well with either a brush or your fingers, but I haven’t had as much luck with a beauty blender. In any case, there are actually a range of 3 shades that I can use that match my skin pretty close to perfect, depending on the time of year. Of course they are the 3 lightest shades, but there are 18 shades in total, so there are tons of options. Also, Julep is always adding new shades to their products, so I am sure they’ll add more! I love that this product doesn’t cause breakouts, and isn’t heavy on my skin. I do wish it was slightly more full coverage, but all in all, I can’t complain! 

So, that's it for this week, friends! I really hope that you'll check these products out if you're looking for a new product to try! I really enjoyed this one, and I"m always discovering new products myself, so I may do another post like this in the future!

A Letter to My Daughter

As my daughter’s last days of kindergarten pass, I’ve started thinking more and more of the future. There are so many things that I want to tell her, so many things that I want to teach her, but as she is only 6, some of those lessons are too much for her as yet. The world we live in is scary, and as any mother does, I worry about the future. I worry about how I can guide my daughter, and teach her to be a strong, capable woman in a world that is so uncertain. As a result, I’ve set about writing a letter of sorts, with all the things I want to tell her, in the hopes that when the time comes, I will be better prepared to talk to her.

My dear sweet Scoot,

As you grow older, you will find that life only gets more complicated. The things that seem simple right now will one day be a mixed up maze of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Right now, your world is ruled by the excitement of new friends and the new things you are learning every day. Your world is small, but mostly safe. And yet, already you know of death. You know that there is evil in this world, and sometimes good people suffer from that. I have done my best to protect you from the uglier side of human nature, but I can’t always do that. I wish the world was a better, nicer, place for you. I’m doing what I can to make it that way for you, but my darling, you are the future. So, these are my lessons for you.

Be yourself. Always, always stay true to who you are. No matter what this world tries to tell you, and it will often be vicious in its opinions, you are who you are for a reason. You were put on this earth to be the person you are. You are an original, one perfect, shining example of what individuality should be. Your spark and vivacity is yours alone, and it is for you to decide who to share it with. Don’t ever, ever let anyone dull that shine, or tell you what you deserve. You are the only one that can decide that. There will be times in your life when it will seem easier to go with the crowd, even if you know in your gut it’s the wrong thing to do. There will be times when you don’t feel as though you fit in, or that something is wrong with you. Stay your line. Speak your truths. Love yourself exactly how you are, for you are just as you should be. There is nothing wrong with having goals, and ambitions, and indeed you should have those things. Work hard for what you want, but never give up what makes you special, or conform to things you don’t believe in. Know your worth, my baby girl, because you are priceless.

You are beautiful, but so much more. I think that every mother should tell her daughter that. A child should know how beautiful they are in the eyes of their parents, and learn to believe in their beauty so that they don’t go looking for it in the wrong places. Yet you are so much more than a lovely face, my child. You are incredibly smart. Your mind is a thirsty little sponge, ready and willing to absorb all the knowledge that you come across. You have a wonderful heart and a compassionate soul, and you are always thinking of others. There is a thirst for life in you, and a passion for the world around you that is unmatched. You are more than beauty. You are more than a sum of your parts. You are strong, and independent. Smart and sassy. Wild and sweet. One day, when you are grown, people will look up to you. You are going to be a formidable woman one day, and I know this in my heart. I know this because I see it even now. You don’t follow any crowd, you lead. You make me proud of you every single day because of who you are. I can’t wait to watch you grow into your own, and start changing this world for the better.

Be an advocate for those that need it. Unfortunately, life is not kind to all people. There will be so many opportunities in your life where you will have to decide whether you are going to lift someone up or put them down. Always choose to lift. You have been afforded opportunities that others have not. Your challenges will not be the same as those of other people, and you should always remember that. Some people need more voices in their chorus than you will, so it is up to you to help lift your voice for those that will need it. Right now, our nation is seething in ugliness, rife with disdain and hatred for anyone that looks differently from you. While I hope this has changed by the time you’re old enough to read this, if it hasn’t, heed my words. Don’t buy in. All people are beautiful, regardless of what color their skin is, or who they love, or what sex they are. One of the bravest things you will ever do in your life is stand up for those that cannot stand for themselves. As your mom, I am doing my best to teach you empathy for others, and how to judge others based on their character, and nothing else. Keep an open mind to the world around you, and realize that there will be things that will confuse you, or that you won’t understand. Ask questions. Learn. Make your decisions based on experience and knowledge. Above all, realize that you don’t have to understand something in order to respect it.

Be kind. Even to those that are not kind to you, be kind. One of the hardest lessons to learn is how to be kind without being a doormat. It’s very easy to be kind to those that are kind to you, but it is infinitely harder, and in the long run more noble, to be kind to those that are not kind back. That doesn’t mean to put up with their BS, though. You can be kind without sacrificing your worth or dignity. What do I mean by being kind? Show respect. Be honest. Show empathy. Know when to disengage from someone. Don’t let others use your kindness as a weapon. It is perfectly okay to cut those people from your life. I know that some people may see kindness as weakness but that’s not true. Being kind in a world that is often unkind to you is a strength that is unparalleled.

There are pitfalls of being a woman. Sweetheart, this world is going to tell you from birth that you aren’t good enough, simply because you are a girl. Don’t believe it. Women are the most  powerful beings on this planet, and you can’t convince me otherwise. All this nonsense about women being the weaker sex is just that: nonsense. The truth is, women are the ones that hold society together. We are the ones that pull from unfathomable inner depths to support families, even through the deepest of sorrows. Our emotional wherewithal is without end. You can’t show me any warrior stronger than a woman that has lost her child, and yet will still smile and keep living.

Yet, even though we have all this strength, we are still seen as weaker. As I write this, it is with the knowledge that women still earn less than men, but have to work ten times as hard at the same job. Decisions about our bodies are still governed by men. Women are marginalized every day, told that our bodies distract men, yet we are basically told that we are not responsible enough to make decisions about them. We are punished just by virtue of being female.

I think these are the hardest lessons I have to teach you. Because you’re a woman, you’ll work harder for less. You’ll learn very early in your life that you’ll have to always keep an open eye out for those that would do you harm. Walking alone at night will be inherently more dangerous for you than it ever will be for a man. There will be times when you will be walking, and a man will come up behind you and you’ll feel a shiver of fear go up your spine. I wish I could tell you not to worry, but the truth is, you should. You’ll have to be vigilant, and protect yourself. Never, ever leave your drink alone in a crowded space, because it can be drugged. Choose friends wisely and carefully. Know those that would do you harm and avoid them. Always remember that your body is YOURS, no one else’s, and NO ONE has the right to touch you without your expressed consent. There will be men that will never see you as their equal, and will always see you as less. Ignore them. Know that there are men out there that are wonderful, and that realize that women are every bit as worthwhile as men. If you want an example, just look at your dad. Don’t be afraid to be strong and independent, because the only person in the world that can truly hold you back is yourself. I don’t tell you these things to frighten you, only to make you aware.  I know this is all daunting information. It’s easy to be frightened or disheartened by these things, but know that you will persevere. As I said, women are tough as nails, and you, my baby, come from some of the toughest, strongest women I’ve ever known.

Most importantly, know that no matter what journeys life takes you on, I am proud of you. Never doubt the love that I have for you. Know that that love is not contingent on who you choose to love, or what you choose to do with your life. I have loved you since the moment I found out you were within me, and I will love you until my last breath, and even beyond. There is nothing that you can do that will ever change that. Whatever you do, wherever you go, I know that you will blaze your own path. My wish for you is that you always carry all the fire and confidence that you have at the age of six. Treasure your intellect, and use it well. Love with your whole heart. Believe in yourself. Through it all, I’ll be right here behind you, cheering you on.

Love always,

Your Mom.

Call Me Crazy....Or Actually, Don't.

“Wow, you’re OBSESSED. You’re, like, crazy.” If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me over my love of boybands, I’d be a millionaire. I could afford to do all the things I’ve always wanted to do, have the house of my dreams, and have my kid set for life. Instead, all I have is the constant urge to roll my eyes and repeat for the millionth time “How does my appreciation for a band equal to crazy?” Let me let you in on a little secret: it doesn’t. It’s always said with the same tone, too. One of disdain or pity, as if I’m some pathetic, sad person with nothing else to fulfill my life. Honestly, it’s frustrating, and infuriating.

Why is there some unspoken rule that by being a fan of a boyband, you’re automatically acting childish? Why does this equate to not being able to let go of my youth?  Why is it assumed that I and the people like me are crazy?  It’s silly! Look, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving boybands. Nothing. I’m not hurting anyone. I’m not living in some fantasy world where I think I can “get” one of them. Finding joy in a band from my youth isn’t living in the past. It’s finding happiness in a world that, lately, is pretty damn screwed up. Everywhere I look, I see hatred and ugliness. There’s racism, sexism, xenophobia and homophobia, and it honestly weighs me down. So what if I find my joy, my peace, my light, in a boyband?

“You’re smarter than that.” I’ve heard that one too, as if by liking NKOTB and BSB that it somehow effects my intellect. Excuse me while I roll my eyes. Everyone has their vice. Whether it’s TV shows or books, or music, everyone has that one thing that they’re very interested in. Liking something trivial or banal does not mean you aren’t smart. It doesn’t mean that I can’t go from talking about boybands with my friends to having a deep discussion on the state of affairs in our country, or the very real problems in the education system in NC. I can. I can go from reading a vapid romance novel to reading a memoir or nonfiction book about the mental health system in the United States. Just because I have varying interests, and I like pop music, it doesn’t mean that my brain can’t function on different levels. One does not cancel out the other.

“Well, I would have thought you would have grown out of it by now.” What, outgrow enjoying myself? Having fun? Finding something in this crazy, messed up world that makes me happy? Why do we attempt to put an age limit on things? Look, I get boybands aren't for everyone. That’s perfectly fine. I don’t try to push my adoration on others, and try to get them to love the same things I love. Everyone has what they love, and what they enjoy doing. I don’t belittle people for what they love doing. Just because I don’t understand it myself doesn’t mean I don’t totally understand the feeling that comes with doing something you love. I think of it like this: a great many people love sports. They go to games, buy the merchandise, tweet with the players on Twitter and connect with them on social media. They may even travel to see sporting events. How in the world is that ANY different from me enjoying a NKOTB concert, or going on a cruise? What makes wanting to connect with NKOTB and BSB so scandalous, yet it’s perfectly fine for someone else to do the same with their favorite sports stars? It’s the exact same thing, except the sports fan doesn’t catch constant flak for it.

“I bet you’re one of those that would camp outside of their houses.” Um, excuse me? In what world would I possibly think that’s okay? What about me being a boyband aficionado says that I’ll suddenly lose all reason, and turn into a stalker? That’s not how it works, at all. The sad thing is, even as I’m being called a stalker, or a clinger, or silly, there are people out there that actually ARE stalkers, or just plain scary. Those are the people that find out where the band members live. Those are the people that threaten their families, or send scary tweets to them, or have actual delusions about having a member of the band. Should someone like me, who enjoys the music and simple fan interactions, be lumped in with those people? Being a fan doesn’t equal stalker.

“I just can’t believe you spend all your money on something stupid like a boyband.” First, I hardly spend ALL my money on a boyband. I have a family. We have expenses that we always see to over any hobbies. I don’t hare off and spend massive amounts of money on anything, and never without discussing everything with my husband. Second, and this one is key,  I didn’t ask for your opinions on how to spend money, or what to spend it on. I don’t choose your hobbies, and you don’t get to dictate mine. Yes, concerts are expensive, and travel is expensive, but if I can manage it, why shouldn’t I get to indulge every now and then? My husband and I know what our finances can handle, and we have managed to strike a good balance with our respective hobbies. Going to concerts and traveling has provided me with so much happiness. I’ve seen places I never thought I’d see, and meet people from all different walks of life. These people have opened up new worlds for me, and each experience introduces me to more new people, expanding how I see the world. Just in the last few years, I’ve met all of NKOTB, hugged Nick Carter, and stood outside the buses for Hanson. I’ve gotten to have experiences I could only have dreamed of as a young girl and a teenager, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences for any amount of money.

My main point is this: just because you don’t understand something doesn’t negate the value it may have for someone. If you don’t understand why I love boybands, that’s fine, but stop judging me for it. All it’s going to do is irritate me. We are all drawn to different things in life, and one of my favorites just happens to be boybands. From the music to the incredible friends I’ve made, it’s something that never fails to brighten my day, and there’s absolutely no shame in that. Everyone needs something to get them through the bad days. Whatever it is for you, know that I won’t judge you for it. I won’t tell you it’s stupid, even if I don’t quite understand it myself. It’s rude and hateful to attempt to make people feel ashamed or guilty for the things they like. You don’t have to like it, but you should at least respect it. 

Moving On

The process of moving comes with a load of unexpected emotions. My little family has been fortunate enough to live in the same place for five years, since Scoot was barely one year old, but the time has come for us to move into our new home. As happy and excited as I am about this new endeavor, there’s also stress, sadness, and even a little fear.

Though the reasons we are moving are all good ones, I can’t help but feel a little sad. This house is the one where my daughter has grown up. It’s the only house she’s ever known. Her earliest memories are here. When we moved here, she was barely a year old, and many of her firsts have happened within these walls. Her first play date with her best friend was here. Potty training. Sleeping in her own room. Countless spills and tantrums and smiles have happened here. She has run wild through this yard, picked countless dandelions for me, and frolicked with the dog among the grass. Her songs and laughter have echoed through the rooms. Even though I am ready for the new memories that we will make in our new home, there is still that lingering bittersweet sadness of leaving the only home she’s known.

Yet, at the same time, I’m happy to leave here. In this house, there are not only the good memories, but some of the saddest moments of my life. I can tell you the exact place I was standing when I learned of the deaths of my grandmother and cousin. These rooms are tinged with loss, not only from family, but from a precious pet. When we moved here, I had the sweetest dog, Jace, but he grew sick about a year after we settled in. My heart was broken when I woke up one morning in December to my husband shaking me, and I knew my Jacie was gone. For a long time after he died, I heard him walking around, and felt his presence here. I know these snapshots of loss won’t fade no matter where I am, but at least I won’t be confronted with seeing the rooms every day that I received such bad news in.

Life happens within a home. Good, bad, happy, sad, and I know it’ll be the same in our new place. I know that we’ve outgrown where we are now, both physically and emotionally. We’re at a precipice as a family, and as excited as I am, as I said, I’m also sad. I wish my grandmother was here to see our new home. I wish she could be here to walk the halls, give me her opinions on everything. I know she’ll be here in spirit, but it’s not the same.

  So much in life has changed in just a few years, and I stand looking at a whole world of new changes. Moving is not just a physical thing, or the mere act of putting belongings in a truck to take them to a new space. It’s not just the packing of objects, either. Every day as I pack up the pieces of our household, I discover things that spark memories. Pictures of my best friend and me on a beach in Cozumel. Scoot’s baby book. The last birthday card from my Dot Dot. There have been tears and tugs of the heart. There has been laughter and smiles. There’s been dust and dirt and endless books that have to be boxed, but in the end, I’m finding that the change and growth has already begun. None of us are the same people that we were when we moved into this house. We have all grown and changed in many ways, and that’s the beauty of life. We are going to a place now where Scoot can get a better education. She’s going to have a new neighborhood to conquer, a new school, and a host of new friends. It’s a lot of new not just for her, but for all of us.

Moving isn’t just geography. It’s a lot of change, in a very small amount of time, with very little safety net. It’s the oddest mix of letting go of the past as you move into a new future.  There’s exhilaration and stress and so many other emotions, but for me the brightest is the hope. We’re leaving behind the dust of our old life, and filling this next step with light and color. Change, as I’ve said before can be scary, but it’s also exciting. I can’t wait to see what this new chapter holds for us!

Friends

Do you ever just get lost in pictures? I did today, for about an hour on Facebook. It started off as me looking for a specific picture and spiraled until I found myself neck deep in a thousand memories and the beautiful faces of friends, new and old. It got me to thinking about friendship, the beautiful, tangled weave of it, and how it enhances life. The bonds we make throughout life enrich us, change us, and make us into people that we would never be if we hadn’t met those we call friends. Throughout my life, I’ve learned that we have friends for different reasons, different seasons, and different times of our lives. I’ve also discovered that those that at one time were our closest confidants might one day become strangers. Friendship is a journey, and as with every journey we embark on in our lives, sometimes the destination changes.

As with most things, making and keeping friends is so much easier as a child. It’s beautifully simple, isn’t it? As a child, when you walk through those doors on the first day of kindergarten, you are encountered by a whole group of kids, ones that you probably had tons in common with. There, among the smell of books, glue, and construction paper, the first bonds of friendship are found. Hours are spent on playgrounds, the sweet fragrance of grass and flowers tickling your nose as you play kickball and swing under sunny skies. All it takes to keep that bond fresh and new is liking the same colors, or books. You like barbies?! I do too! Or maybe, your friendship starts a little more unconventionally. Maybe, at first, you don’t even like each other. Perhaps one day, in 4^th grade, you get into a marker fight, and go home crying and covered in vivid slashes of color because she doesn’t like you. The next day, however, you find out she was just as upset, and from that one moment, a deep and abiding friendship is born. That’s how it happened for me, anyway. I gained one of my lifelong best friends from such a marker fight, and that friendship has lasted for over 20 years, distance, fights, tears, and laughter. She and I have been through it all. I’ll never forget when I was in college, after breaking up with my ex for the first time. She dropped everything and came to check on me, just because she was worried. An hour drive may not seem like much, but to me it meant the world. It wasn’t about the distance, it was the fact that the words “call me if you need me” aren’t just a pithy statement with her. She MEANS it. I can honestly say, I can call her at any time, and ask her for anything, and she is there. There is a deep bond, to the point of sisterhood. I trust her immeasurably. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to articulate to her exactly how much I love her, and how much of an impact she has made on my life. I couldn’t’ be who I am today without her.

Alas, the older you grow, the simple pleasures of life that drew you to those you call friends may change.  As it does, it’s easy to grow apart from people. It’s natural. I think that as you grow and learn, you change. People change at different rates, and in different ways. The people that you were close to in elementary school may not be the ones you’re close to as you get older. Or, even if they are, it won’t be the same. Someone that was once your friend may be more of an acquaintance. Even later in life, those that once shared your deepest secrets, and that you had sleepovers with and knew as well as your own family may not stick around. One day, you may realize that you no longer know them at all, and this person that you once loved and cherished is a stranger. They are now the person you see and smile at, and wave at, but there’s nothing more there. That can be painful, at least I know it has been for me. Yet, it doesn’t mean you no longer care. It just means that time and circumstance has changed you both, and the people you are today just aren’t as compatible. What you have in common now is history, and a shared sense of nostalgia. It has taken me a long time to learn that just because you aren’t close now doesn’t mean the memories you share aren’t sweet.

Often, there are reasons friendships don’t last. Some friendships simply aren’t healthy. If one someone is using you not as their sounding board, but as their scapegoat, or if they are putting you down to make themselves feel better, that isn’t friendship. If they go behind your back, or tell lies about you, or make you feel bad about yourself, that isn’t friendship. I think we all have relationships like that in our lives, and they hurt the most because as much as you love and trust that person, that friend, they hurt you deeply. The scars stay with you, even long after the bonds of friendship have broken. It turns the memories that should be sweet slightly sour, like tea that has sat out in the hot sun too long. The flavor may still be good at first, but the aftertaste it leaves is bitter.

I’ve learned a lot through broken friendships, though. I’ve learned to separate the difference between acquaintances, casual friends, and the ones that will truly be there when you need them. The older I get, the more I treasure my closest friends. I’m lucky to have not only a bunch of great casual friends that are simply a blast to be around and talk to, but a tight circle of close friends that I know will last a lifetime. One of these is Melissa, who I’ve talked about several times. Since college, she’s been there through the ups and downs of my life, even from across the country. Let me tell you, it’s no picnic when your bestie lives over 3000 miles away. Still, it teaches you to cherish the moments you share together, and how to really work for your friendship. You have to want to make those long distance friendships work. She has since moved back to NC, and I couldn’t be happier about that. Ironically, three of my other closest friends are rather new to my circle. We all met 3 years ago online, through NKOTB, and in those 3 years, they have become so important to me. They have helped me through the toughest years of my life, through the deaths of my grandmother and my cousin, through life’s crazy ups and downs, and just been incredible. They are fantastic to have in your corner, and I am so thankful they are mine. Though we’ve only met in person twice, time and distance doesn’t matter. We talk almost every day, about everything. The last three years are full of jokes, laughter, and love. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, and I look forward to the next time we can hang out in person.

All in all, I am tremendously grateful for my friends, past and present. Each one has added to my life in ways I couldn’t have expected and molded me into who I am today. Some have taught me how not to treat people, while others have shown me the beauty and art of true, lifelong friendship. So to all of you that have touched my life, I thank you!