A Letter to My Daughter

As my daughter’s last days of kindergarten pass, I’ve started thinking more and more of the future. There are so many things that I want to tell her, so many things that I want to teach her, but as she is only 6, some of those lessons are too much for her as yet. The world we live in is scary, and as any mother does, I worry about the future. I worry about how I can guide my daughter, and teach her to be a strong, capable woman in a world that is so uncertain. As a result, I’ve set about writing a letter of sorts, with all the things I want to tell her, in the hopes that when the time comes, I will be better prepared to talk to her.

My dear sweet Scoot,

As you grow older, you will find that life only gets more complicated. The things that seem simple right now will one day be a mixed up maze of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Right now, your world is ruled by the excitement of new friends and the new things you are learning every day. Your world is small, but mostly safe. And yet, already you know of death. You know that there is evil in this world, and sometimes good people suffer from that. I have done my best to protect you from the uglier side of human nature, but I can’t always do that. I wish the world was a better, nicer, place for you. I’m doing what I can to make it that way for you, but my darling, you are the future. So, these are my lessons for you.

Be yourself. Always, always stay true to who you are. No matter what this world tries to tell you, and it will often be vicious in its opinions, you are who you are for a reason. You were put on this earth to be the person you are. You are an original, one perfect, shining example of what individuality should be. Your spark and vivacity is yours alone, and it is for you to decide who to share it with. Don’t ever, ever let anyone dull that shine, or tell you what you deserve. You are the only one that can decide that. There will be times in your life when it will seem easier to go with the crowd, even if you know in your gut it’s the wrong thing to do. There will be times when you don’t feel as though you fit in, or that something is wrong with you. Stay your line. Speak your truths. Love yourself exactly how you are, for you are just as you should be. There is nothing wrong with having goals, and ambitions, and indeed you should have those things. Work hard for what you want, but never give up what makes you special, or conform to things you don’t believe in. Know your worth, my baby girl, because you are priceless.

You are beautiful, but so much more. I think that every mother should tell her daughter that. A child should know how beautiful they are in the eyes of their parents, and learn to believe in their beauty so that they don’t go looking for it in the wrong places. Yet you are so much more than a lovely face, my child. You are incredibly smart. Your mind is a thirsty little sponge, ready and willing to absorb all the knowledge that you come across. You have a wonderful heart and a compassionate soul, and you are always thinking of others. There is a thirst for life in you, and a passion for the world around you that is unmatched. You are more than beauty. You are more than a sum of your parts. You are strong, and independent. Smart and sassy. Wild and sweet. One day, when you are grown, people will look up to you. You are going to be a formidable woman one day, and I know this in my heart. I know this because I see it even now. You don’t follow any crowd, you lead. You make me proud of you every single day because of who you are. I can’t wait to watch you grow into your own, and start changing this world for the better.

Be an advocate for those that need it. Unfortunately, life is not kind to all people. There will be so many opportunities in your life where you will have to decide whether you are going to lift someone up or put them down. Always choose to lift. You have been afforded opportunities that others have not. Your challenges will not be the same as those of other people, and you should always remember that. Some people need more voices in their chorus than you will, so it is up to you to help lift your voice for those that will need it. Right now, our nation is seething in ugliness, rife with disdain and hatred for anyone that looks differently from you. While I hope this has changed by the time you’re old enough to read this, if it hasn’t, heed my words. Don’t buy in. All people are beautiful, regardless of what color their skin is, or who they love, or what sex they are. One of the bravest things you will ever do in your life is stand up for those that cannot stand for themselves. As your mom, I am doing my best to teach you empathy for others, and how to judge others based on their character, and nothing else. Keep an open mind to the world around you, and realize that there will be things that will confuse you, or that you won’t understand. Ask questions. Learn. Make your decisions based on experience and knowledge. Above all, realize that you don’t have to understand something in order to respect it.

Be kind. Even to those that are not kind to you, be kind. One of the hardest lessons to learn is how to be kind without being a doormat. It’s very easy to be kind to those that are kind to you, but it is infinitely harder, and in the long run more noble, to be kind to those that are not kind back. That doesn’t mean to put up with their BS, though. You can be kind without sacrificing your worth or dignity. What do I mean by being kind? Show respect. Be honest. Show empathy. Know when to disengage from someone. Don’t let others use your kindness as a weapon. It is perfectly okay to cut those people from your life. I know that some people may see kindness as weakness but that’s not true. Being kind in a world that is often unkind to you is a strength that is unparalleled.

There are pitfalls of being a woman. Sweetheart, this world is going to tell you from birth that you aren’t good enough, simply because you are a girl. Don’t believe it. Women are the most  powerful beings on this planet, and you can’t convince me otherwise. All this nonsense about women being the weaker sex is just that: nonsense. The truth is, women are the ones that hold society together. We are the ones that pull from unfathomable inner depths to support families, even through the deepest of sorrows. Our emotional wherewithal is without end. You can’t show me any warrior stronger than a woman that has lost her child, and yet will still smile and keep living.

Yet, even though we have all this strength, we are still seen as weaker. As I write this, it is with the knowledge that women still earn less than men, but have to work ten times as hard at the same job. Decisions about our bodies are still governed by men. Women are marginalized every day, told that our bodies distract men, yet we are basically told that we are not responsible enough to make decisions about them. We are punished just by virtue of being female.

I think these are the hardest lessons I have to teach you. Because you’re a woman, you’ll work harder for less. You’ll learn very early in your life that you’ll have to always keep an open eye out for those that would do you harm. Walking alone at night will be inherently more dangerous for you than it ever will be for a man. There will be times when you will be walking, and a man will come up behind you and you’ll feel a shiver of fear go up your spine. I wish I could tell you not to worry, but the truth is, you should. You’ll have to be vigilant, and protect yourself. Never, ever leave your drink alone in a crowded space, because it can be drugged. Choose friends wisely and carefully. Know those that would do you harm and avoid them. Always remember that your body is YOURS, no one else’s, and NO ONE has the right to touch you without your expressed consent. There will be men that will never see you as their equal, and will always see you as less. Ignore them. Know that there are men out there that are wonderful, and that realize that women are every bit as worthwhile as men. If you want an example, just look at your dad. Don’t be afraid to be strong and independent, because the only person in the world that can truly hold you back is yourself. I don’t tell you these things to frighten you, only to make you aware.  I know this is all daunting information. It’s easy to be frightened or disheartened by these things, but know that you will persevere. As I said, women are tough as nails, and you, my baby, come from some of the toughest, strongest women I’ve ever known.

Most importantly, know that no matter what journeys life takes you on, I am proud of you. Never doubt the love that I have for you. Know that that love is not contingent on who you choose to love, or what you choose to do with your life. I have loved you since the moment I found out you were within me, and I will love you until my last breath, and even beyond. There is nothing that you can do that will ever change that. Whatever you do, wherever you go, I know that you will blaze your own path. My wish for you is that you always carry all the fire and confidence that you have at the age of six. Treasure your intellect, and use it well. Love with your whole heart. Believe in yourself. Through it all, I’ll be right here behind you, cheering you on.

Love always,

Your Mom.