Moving On

The process of moving comes with a load of unexpected emotions. My little family has been fortunate enough to live in the same place for five years, since Scoot was barely one year old, but the time has come for us to move into our new home. As happy and excited as I am about this new endeavor, there’s also stress, sadness, and even a little fear.

Though the reasons we are moving are all good ones, I can’t help but feel a little sad. This house is the one where my daughter has grown up. It’s the only house she’s ever known. Her earliest memories are here. When we moved here, she was barely a year old, and many of her firsts have happened within these walls. Her first play date with her best friend was here. Potty training. Sleeping in her own room. Countless spills and tantrums and smiles have happened here. She has run wild through this yard, picked countless dandelions for me, and frolicked with the dog among the grass. Her songs and laughter have echoed through the rooms. Even though I am ready for the new memories that we will make in our new home, there is still that lingering bittersweet sadness of leaving the only home she’s known.

Yet, at the same time, I’m happy to leave here. In this house, there are not only the good memories, but some of the saddest moments of my life. I can tell you the exact place I was standing when I learned of the deaths of my grandmother and cousin. These rooms are tinged with loss, not only from family, but from a precious pet. When we moved here, I had the sweetest dog, Jace, but he grew sick about a year after we settled in. My heart was broken when I woke up one morning in December to my husband shaking me, and I knew my Jacie was gone. For a long time after he died, I heard him walking around, and felt his presence here. I know these snapshots of loss won’t fade no matter where I am, but at least I won’t be confronted with seeing the rooms every day that I received such bad news in.

Life happens within a home. Good, bad, happy, sad, and I know it’ll be the same in our new place. I know that we’ve outgrown where we are now, both physically and emotionally. We’re at a precipice as a family, and as excited as I am, as I said, I’m also sad. I wish my grandmother was here to see our new home. I wish she could be here to walk the halls, give me her opinions on everything. I know she’ll be here in spirit, but it’s not the same.

  So much in life has changed in just a few years, and I stand looking at a whole world of new changes. Moving is not just a physical thing, or the mere act of putting belongings in a truck to take them to a new space. It’s not just the packing of objects, either. Every day as I pack up the pieces of our household, I discover things that spark memories. Pictures of my best friend and me on a beach in Cozumel. Scoot’s baby book. The last birthday card from my Dot Dot. There have been tears and tugs of the heart. There has been laughter and smiles. There’s been dust and dirt and endless books that have to be boxed, but in the end, I’m finding that the change and growth has already begun. None of us are the same people that we were when we moved into this house. We have all grown and changed in many ways, and that’s the beauty of life. We are going to a place now where Scoot can get a better education. She’s going to have a new neighborhood to conquer, a new school, and a host of new friends. It’s a lot of new not just for her, but for all of us.

Moving isn’t just geography. It’s a lot of change, in a very small amount of time, with very little safety net. It’s the oddest mix of letting go of the past as you move into a new future.  There’s exhilaration and stress and so many other emotions, but for me the brightest is the hope. We’re leaving behind the dust of our old life, and filling this next step with light and color. Change, as I’ve said before can be scary, but it’s also exciting. I can’t wait to see what this new chapter holds for us!