A Letter to My Daughter

As my daughter’s last days of kindergarten pass, I’ve started thinking more and more of the future. There are so many things that I want to tell her, so many things that I want to teach her, but as she is only 6, some of those lessons are too much for her as yet. The world we live in is scary, and as any mother does, I worry about the future. I worry about how I can guide my daughter, and teach her to be a strong, capable woman in a world that is so uncertain. As a result, I’ve set about writing a letter of sorts, with all the things I want to tell her, in the hopes that when the time comes, I will be better prepared to talk to her.

My dear sweet Scoot,

As you grow older, you will find that life only gets more complicated. The things that seem simple right now will one day be a mixed up maze of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Right now, your world is ruled by the excitement of new friends and the new things you are learning every day. Your world is small, but mostly safe. And yet, already you know of death. You know that there is evil in this world, and sometimes good people suffer from that. I have done my best to protect you from the uglier side of human nature, but I can’t always do that. I wish the world was a better, nicer, place for you. I’m doing what I can to make it that way for you, but my darling, you are the future. So, these are my lessons for you.

Be yourself. Always, always stay true to who you are. No matter what this world tries to tell you, and it will often be vicious in its opinions, you are who you are for a reason. You were put on this earth to be the person you are. You are an original, one perfect, shining example of what individuality should be. Your spark and vivacity is yours alone, and it is for you to decide who to share it with. Don’t ever, ever let anyone dull that shine, or tell you what you deserve. You are the only one that can decide that. There will be times in your life when it will seem easier to go with the crowd, even if you know in your gut it’s the wrong thing to do. There will be times when you don’t feel as though you fit in, or that something is wrong with you. Stay your line. Speak your truths. Love yourself exactly how you are, for you are just as you should be. There is nothing wrong with having goals, and ambitions, and indeed you should have those things. Work hard for what you want, but never give up what makes you special, or conform to things you don’t believe in. Know your worth, my baby girl, because you are priceless.

You are beautiful, but so much more. I think that every mother should tell her daughter that. A child should know how beautiful they are in the eyes of their parents, and learn to believe in their beauty so that they don’t go looking for it in the wrong places. Yet you are so much more than a lovely face, my child. You are incredibly smart. Your mind is a thirsty little sponge, ready and willing to absorb all the knowledge that you come across. You have a wonderful heart and a compassionate soul, and you are always thinking of others. There is a thirst for life in you, and a passion for the world around you that is unmatched. You are more than beauty. You are more than a sum of your parts. You are strong, and independent. Smart and sassy. Wild and sweet. One day, when you are grown, people will look up to you. You are going to be a formidable woman one day, and I know this in my heart. I know this because I see it even now. You don’t follow any crowd, you lead. You make me proud of you every single day because of who you are. I can’t wait to watch you grow into your own, and start changing this world for the better.

Be an advocate for those that need it. Unfortunately, life is not kind to all people. There will be so many opportunities in your life where you will have to decide whether you are going to lift someone up or put them down. Always choose to lift. You have been afforded opportunities that others have not. Your challenges will not be the same as those of other people, and you should always remember that. Some people need more voices in their chorus than you will, so it is up to you to help lift your voice for those that will need it. Right now, our nation is seething in ugliness, rife with disdain and hatred for anyone that looks differently from you. While I hope this has changed by the time you’re old enough to read this, if it hasn’t, heed my words. Don’t buy in. All people are beautiful, regardless of what color their skin is, or who they love, or what sex they are. One of the bravest things you will ever do in your life is stand up for those that cannot stand for themselves. As your mom, I am doing my best to teach you empathy for others, and how to judge others based on their character, and nothing else. Keep an open mind to the world around you, and realize that there will be things that will confuse you, or that you won’t understand. Ask questions. Learn. Make your decisions based on experience and knowledge. Above all, realize that you don’t have to understand something in order to respect it.

Be kind. Even to those that are not kind to you, be kind. One of the hardest lessons to learn is how to be kind without being a doormat. It’s very easy to be kind to those that are kind to you, but it is infinitely harder, and in the long run more noble, to be kind to those that are not kind back. That doesn’t mean to put up with their BS, though. You can be kind without sacrificing your worth or dignity. What do I mean by being kind? Show respect. Be honest. Show empathy. Know when to disengage from someone. Don’t let others use your kindness as a weapon. It is perfectly okay to cut those people from your life. I know that some people may see kindness as weakness but that’s not true. Being kind in a world that is often unkind to you is a strength that is unparalleled.

There are pitfalls of being a woman. Sweetheart, this world is going to tell you from birth that you aren’t good enough, simply because you are a girl. Don’t believe it. Women are the most  powerful beings on this planet, and you can’t convince me otherwise. All this nonsense about women being the weaker sex is just that: nonsense. The truth is, women are the ones that hold society together. We are the ones that pull from unfathomable inner depths to support families, even through the deepest of sorrows. Our emotional wherewithal is without end. You can’t show me any warrior stronger than a woman that has lost her child, and yet will still smile and keep living.

Yet, even though we have all this strength, we are still seen as weaker. As I write this, it is with the knowledge that women still earn less than men, but have to work ten times as hard at the same job. Decisions about our bodies are still governed by men. Women are marginalized every day, told that our bodies distract men, yet we are basically told that we are not responsible enough to make decisions about them. We are punished just by virtue of being female.

I think these are the hardest lessons I have to teach you. Because you’re a woman, you’ll work harder for less. You’ll learn very early in your life that you’ll have to always keep an open eye out for those that would do you harm. Walking alone at night will be inherently more dangerous for you than it ever will be for a man. There will be times when you will be walking, and a man will come up behind you and you’ll feel a shiver of fear go up your spine. I wish I could tell you not to worry, but the truth is, you should. You’ll have to be vigilant, and protect yourself. Never, ever leave your drink alone in a crowded space, because it can be drugged. Choose friends wisely and carefully. Know those that would do you harm and avoid them. Always remember that your body is YOURS, no one else’s, and NO ONE has the right to touch you without your expressed consent. There will be men that will never see you as their equal, and will always see you as less. Ignore them. Know that there are men out there that are wonderful, and that realize that women are every bit as worthwhile as men. If you want an example, just look at your dad. Don’t be afraid to be strong and independent, because the only person in the world that can truly hold you back is yourself. I don’t tell you these things to frighten you, only to make you aware.  I know this is all daunting information. It’s easy to be frightened or disheartened by these things, but know that you will persevere. As I said, women are tough as nails, and you, my baby, come from some of the toughest, strongest women I’ve ever known.

Most importantly, know that no matter what journeys life takes you on, I am proud of you. Never doubt the love that I have for you. Know that that love is not contingent on who you choose to love, or what you choose to do with your life. I have loved you since the moment I found out you were within me, and I will love you until my last breath, and even beyond. There is nothing that you can do that will ever change that. Whatever you do, wherever you go, I know that you will blaze your own path. My wish for you is that you always carry all the fire and confidence that you have at the age of six. Treasure your intellect, and use it well. Love with your whole heart. Believe in yourself. Through it all, I’ll be right here behind you, cheering you on.

Love always,

Your Mom.

Call Me Crazy....Or Actually, Don't.

“Wow, you’re OBSESSED. You’re, like, crazy.” If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me over my love of boybands, I’d be a millionaire. I could afford to do all the things I’ve always wanted to do, have the house of my dreams, and have my kid set for life. Instead, all I have is the constant urge to roll my eyes and repeat for the millionth time “How does my appreciation for a band equal to crazy?” Let me let you in on a little secret: it doesn’t. It’s always said with the same tone, too. One of disdain or pity, as if I’m some pathetic, sad person with nothing else to fulfill my life. Honestly, it’s frustrating, and infuriating.

Why is there some unspoken rule that by being a fan of a boyband, you’re automatically acting childish? Why does this equate to not being able to let go of my youth?  Why is it assumed that I and the people like me are crazy?  It’s silly! Look, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving boybands. Nothing. I’m not hurting anyone. I’m not living in some fantasy world where I think I can “get” one of them. Finding joy in a band from my youth isn’t living in the past. It’s finding happiness in a world that, lately, is pretty damn screwed up. Everywhere I look, I see hatred and ugliness. There’s racism, sexism, xenophobia and homophobia, and it honestly weighs me down. So what if I find my joy, my peace, my light, in a boyband?

“You’re smarter than that.” I’ve heard that one too, as if by liking NKOTB and BSB that it somehow effects my intellect. Excuse me while I roll my eyes. Everyone has their vice. Whether it’s TV shows or books, or music, everyone has that one thing that they’re very interested in. Liking something trivial or banal does not mean you aren’t smart. It doesn’t mean that I can’t go from talking about boybands with my friends to having a deep discussion on the state of affairs in our country, or the very real problems in the education system in NC. I can. I can go from reading a vapid romance novel to reading a memoir or nonfiction book about the mental health system in the United States. Just because I have varying interests, and I like pop music, it doesn’t mean that my brain can’t function on different levels. One does not cancel out the other.

“Well, I would have thought you would have grown out of it by now.” What, outgrow enjoying myself? Having fun? Finding something in this crazy, messed up world that makes me happy? Why do we attempt to put an age limit on things? Look, I get boybands aren't for everyone. That’s perfectly fine. I don’t try to push my adoration on others, and try to get them to love the same things I love. Everyone has what they love, and what they enjoy doing. I don’t belittle people for what they love doing. Just because I don’t understand it myself doesn’t mean I don’t totally understand the feeling that comes with doing something you love. I think of it like this: a great many people love sports. They go to games, buy the merchandise, tweet with the players on Twitter and connect with them on social media. They may even travel to see sporting events. How in the world is that ANY different from me enjoying a NKOTB concert, or going on a cruise? What makes wanting to connect with NKOTB and BSB so scandalous, yet it’s perfectly fine for someone else to do the same with their favorite sports stars? It’s the exact same thing, except the sports fan doesn’t catch constant flak for it.

“I bet you’re one of those that would camp outside of their houses.” Um, excuse me? In what world would I possibly think that’s okay? What about me being a boyband aficionado says that I’ll suddenly lose all reason, and turn into a stalker? That’s not how it works, at all. The sad thing is, even as I’m being called a stalker, or a clinger, or silly, there are people out there that actually ARE stalkers, or just plain scary. Those are the people that find out where the band members live. Those are the people that threaten their families, or send scary tweets to them, or have actual delusions about having a member of the band. Should someone like me, who enjoys the music and simple fan interactions, be lumped in with those people? Being a fan doesn’t equal stalker.

“I just can’t believe you spend all your money on something stupid like a boyband.” First, I hardly spend ALL my money on a boyband. I have a family. We have expenses that we always see to over any hobbies. I don’t hare off and spend massive amounts of money on anything, and never without discussing everything with my husband. Second, and this one is key,  I didn’t ask for your opinions on how to spend money, or what to spend it on. I don’t choose your hobbies, and you don’t get to dictate mine. Yes, concerts are expensive, and travel is expensive, but if I can manage it, why shouldn’t I get to indulge every now and then? My husband and I know what our finances can handle, and we have managed to strike a good balance with our respective hobbies. Going to concerts and traveling has provided me with so much happiness. I’ve seen places I never thought I’d see, and meet people from all different walks of life. These people have opened up new worlds for me, and each experience introduces me to more new people, expanding how I see the world. Just in the last few years, I’ve met all of NKOTB, hugged Nick Carter, and stood outside the buses for Hanson. I’ve gotten to have experiences I could only have dreamed of as a young girl and a teenager, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences for any amount of money.

My main point is this: just because you don’t understand something doesn’t negate the value it may have for someone. If you don’t understand why I love boybands, that’s fine, but stop judging me for it. All it’s going to do is irritate me. We are all drawn to different things in life, and one of my favorites just happens to be boybands. From the music to the incredible friends I’ve made, it’s something that never fails to brighten my day, and there’s absolutely no shame in that. Everyone needs something to get them through the bad days. Whatever it is for you, know that I won’t judge you for it. I won’t tell you it’s stupid, even if I don’t quite understand it myself. It’s rude and hateful to attempt to make people feel ashamed or guilty for the things they like. You don’t have to like it, but you should at least respect it. 

Moving On

The process of moving comes with a load of unexpected emotions. My little family has been fortunate enough to live in the same place for five years, since Scoot was barely one year old, but the time has come for us to move into our new home. As happy and excited as I am about this new endeavor, there’s also stress, sadness, and even a little fear.

Though the reasons we are moving are all good ones, I can’t help but feel a little sad. This house is the one where my daughter has grown up. It’s the only house she’s ever known. Her earliest memories are here. When we moved here, she was barely a year old, and many of her firsts have happened within these walls. Her first play date with her best friend was here. Potty training. Sleeping in her own room. Countless spills and tantrums and smiles have happened here. She has run wild through this yard, picked countless dandelions for me, and frolicked with the dog among the grass. Her songs and laughter have echoed through the rooms. Even though I am ready for the new memories that we will make in our new home, there is still that lingering bittersweet sadness of leaving the only home she’s known.

Yet, at the same time, I’m happy to leave here. In this house, there are not only the good memories, but some of the saddest moments of my life. I can tell you the exact place I was standing when I learned of the deaths of my grandmother and cousin. These rooms are tinged with loss, not only from family, but from a precious pet. When we moved here, I had the sweetest dog, Jace, but he grew sick about a year after we settled in. My heart was broken when I woke up one morning in December to my husband shaking me, and I knew my Jacie was gone. For a long time after he died, I heard him walking around, and felt his presence here. I know these snapshots of loss won’t fade no matter where I am, but at least I won’t be confronted with seeing the rooms every day that I received such bad news in.

Life happens within a home. Good, bad, happy, sad, and I know it’ll be the same in our new place. I know that we’ve outgrown where we are now, both physically and emotionally. We’re at a precipice as a family, and as excited as I am, as I said, I’m also sad. I wish my grandmother was here to see our new home. I wish she could be here to walk the halls, give me her opinions on everything. I know she’ll be here in spirit, but it’s not the same.

  So much in life has changed in just a few years, and I stand looking at a whole world of new changes. Moving is not just a physical thing, or the mere act of putting belongings in a truck to take them to a new space. It’s not just the packing of objects, either. Every day as I pack up the pieces of our household, I discover things that spark memories. Pictures of my best friend and me on a beach in Cozumel. Scoot’s baby book. The last birthday card from my Dot Dot. There have been tears and tugs of the heart. There has been laughter and smiles. There’s been dust and dirt and endless books that have to be boxed, but in the end, I’m finding that the change and growth has already begun. None of us are the same people that we were when we moved into this house. We have all grown and changed in many ways, and that’s the beauty of life. We are going to a place now where Scoot can get a better education. She’s going to have a new neighborhood to conquer, a new school, and a host of new friends. It’s a lot of new not just for her, but for all of us.

Moving isn’t just geography. It’s a lot of change, in a very small amount of time, with very little safety net. It’s the oddest mix of letting go of the past as you move into a new future.  There’s exhilaration and stress and so many other emotions, but for me the brightest is the hope. We’re leaving behind the dust of our old life, and filling this next step with light and color. Change, as I’ve said before can be scary, but it’s also exciting. I can’t wait to see what this new chapter holds for us!

Friends

Do you ever just get lost in pictures? I did today, for about an hour on Facebook. It started off as me looking for a specific picture and spiraled until I found myself neck deep in a thousand memories and the beautiful faces of friends, new and old. It got me to thinking about friendship, the beautiful, tangled weave of it, and how it enhances life. The bonds we make throughout life enrich us, change us, and make us into people that we would never be if we hadn’t met those we call friends. Throughout my life, I’ve learned that we have friends for different reasons, different seasons, and different times of our lives. I’ve also discovered that those that at one time were our closest confidants might one day become strangers. Friendship is a journey, and as with every journey we embark on in our lives, sometimes the destination changes.

As with most things, making and keeping friends is so much easier as a child. It’s beautifully simple, isn’t it? As a child, when you walk through those doors on the first day of kindergarten, you are encountered by a whole group of kids, ones that you probably had tons in common with. There, among the smell of books, glue, and construction paper, the first bonds of friendship are found. Hours are spent on playgrounds, the sweet fragrance of grass and flowers tickling your nose as you play kickball and swing under sunny skies. All it takes to keep that bond fresh and new is liking the same colors, or books. You like barbies?! I do too! Or maybe, your friendship starts a little more unconventionally. Maybe, at first, you don’t even like each other. Perhaps one day, in 4^th grade, you get into a marker fight, and go home crying and covered in vivid slashes of color because she doesn’t like you. The next day, however, you find out she was just as upset, and from that one moment, a deep and abiding friendship is born. That’s how it happened for me, anyway. I gained one of my lifelong best friends from such a marker fight, and that friendship has lasted for over 20 years, distance, fights, tears, and laughter. She and I have been through it all. I’ll never forget when I was in college, after breaking up with my ex for the first time. She dropped everything and came to check on me, just because she was worried. An hour drive may not seem like much, but to me it meant the world. It wasn’t about the distance, it was the fact that the words “call me if you need me” aren’t just a pithy statement with her. She MEANS it. I can honestly say, I can call her at any time, and ask her for anything, and she is there. There is a deep bond, to the point of sisterhood. I trust her immeasurably. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to articulate to her exactly how much I love her, and how much of an impact she has made on my life. I couldn’t’ be who I am today without her.

Alas, the older you grow, the simple pleasures of life that drew you to those you call friends may change.  As it does, it’s easy to grow apart from people. It’s natural. I think that as you grow and learn, you change. People change at different rates, and in different ways. The people that you were close to in elementary school may not be the ones you’re close to as you get older. Or, even if they are, it won’t be the same. Someone that was once your friend may be more of an acquaintance. Even later in life, those that once shared your deepest secrets, and that you had sleepovers with and knew as well as your own family may not stick around. One day, you may realize that you no longer know them at all, and this person that you once loved and cherished is a stranger. They are now the person you see and smile at, and wave at, but there’s nothing more there. That can be painful, at least I know it has been for me. Yet, it doesn’t mean you no longer care. It just means that time and circumstance has changed you both, and the people you are today just aren’t as compatible. What you have in common now is history, and a shared sense of nostalgia. It has taken me a long time to learn that just because you aren’t close now doesn’t mean the memories you share aren’t sweet.

Often, there are reasons friendships don’t last. Some friendships simply aren’t healthy. If one someone is using you not as their sounding board, but as their scapegoat, or if they are putting you down to make themselves feel better, that isn’t friendship. If they go behind your back, or tell lies about you, or make you feel bad about yourself, that isn’t friendship. I think we all have relationships like that in our lives, and they hurt the most because as much as you love and trust that person, that friend, they hurt you deeply. The scars stay with you, even long after the bonds of friendship have broken. It turns the memories that should be sweet slightly sour, like tea that has sat out in the hot sun too long. The flavor may still be good at first, but the aftertaste it leaves is bitter.

I’ve learned a lot through broken friendships, though. I’ve learned to separate the difference between acquaintances, casual friends, and the ones that will truly be there when you need them. The older I get, the more I treasure my closest friends. I’m lucky to have not only a bunch of great casual friends that are simply a blast to be around and talk to, but a tight circle of close friends that I know will last a lifetime. One of these is Melissa, who I’ve talked about several times. Since college, she’s been there through the ups and downs of my life, even from across the country. Let me tell you, it’s no picnic when your bestie lives over 3000 miles away. Still, it teaches you to cherish the moments you share together, and how to really work for your friendship. You have to want to make those long distance friendships work. She has since moved back to NC, and I couldn’t be happier about that. Ironically, three of my other closest friends are rather new to my circle. We all met 3 years ago online, through NKOTB, and in those 3 years, they have become so important to me. They have helped me through the toughest years of my life, through the deaths of my grandmother and my cousin, through life’s crazy ups and downs, and just been incredible. They are fantastic to have in your corner, and I am so thankful they are mine. Though we’ve only met in person twice, time and distance doesn’t matter. We talk almost every day, about everything. The last three years are full of jokes, laughter, and love. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, and I look forward to the next time we can hang out in person.

All in all, I am tremendously grateful for my friends, past and present. Each one has added to my life in ways I couldn’t have expected and molded me into who I am today. Some have taught me how not to treat people, while others have shown me the beauty and art of true, lifelong friendship. So to all of you that have touched my life, I thank you!

My Top 12 Favorite/Most Meaningful Albums

I know, I know. I missed last week completely. Bad blogger. Between sickness, house hunting, sprained ankles and dance recitals, last week was quite simply madness This week, I wanted to introduce you to some of my absolute favorite albums. Among these are a lot of country and pop but that’s kind of my thing. Each one of these albums is very important to me, and one in which every song (or nearly every song) on the album is one that I love. I didn’t include any compilation or greatest hits albums, but a couple of artists do have more than one spot. These are the albums that speak to different times and moods of my life. I hope you enjoy this glimpse into some of my favorite music!

1.      Middle of Nowhere—Hanson.  Ah yes, you know I had to start with Hanson. I’ll never forget when I discovered them. One of my best friends and I had a sleepover, and she brought this cd to my house. She said, “You have to hear this song “MmmBop”. It’s amazing. And they are so CUTE.” I had no idea what an mmmbop was, and I remember asking if it was a rap song. She told me no, and once at my house, she introduced me to Hanson, the band that would become my favorite all around artists. From the very first notes of the first song, this album still takes me back to the days of being 13. It amazed me then, and frankly, still amazes me now, that three teenage boys had written each song on the album, and they were great. I’m still not the biggest fan of “MMMBop”, but I smile every time I hear it. I’d say that track, though it’s the one they are most known for, is my least favorite on this album. “Weird” was always one of my favorite tracks on the album, and it resonated strongly with me then, as a young teenage girl that felt as though I didn’t really fit in anywhere. Most people feel that in their lifetime, and to have three kids under the age of 16 write so passionately about not really knowing your place in the world is amazing. There are many songs on this CD that capture a moment of time in my youth, yet still manage to be relevant today. It’s not just the nostalgia factor: these tunes are just great pop songs, especially when you consider how young the guys were when they wrote them.

  

2.      Me and My Gang—Rascal Flatts. This is my favorite RF album. I just love it. There are songs that make me dance, songs that make me smile, songs that make me cry. I feel like this album in particular is like a snapshot of my first marriage. It’s an entire journey from the happy songs to songs of heartbreak. There’s one track in particular, that always makes me think of what was going on in my mind at the time. It’s called “I Feel Bad” and the chorus goes something like this: I can stand here strong/cold as stone/seems so wrong/I can’t explain it/ maybe it’s just I’ve cried so much/I’m tired and numb/ baby I hate it/I feel bad that I don’t feel bad.  The premise is quite simply that you have hurt so much for so long that when the end finally comes, there’s nothing left. You don’t feel as crushed as you feel you should because you’re just empty.  It’s a powerful song about loss. Each and every song on this album speaks to me on different levels. Of course the song that everyone knows by RF is on that album, What Hurts The Most, and I too love that song. It’s hard not to sing along when you hear it on the radio. There are hidden gems on this album too, like Backwards, a fun bop of a song, and Pieces, another heartbreaker.

3.      Breakaway—Kelly Clarkson. If you know me, you know Kelly Clarkson is pretty much my queen. She’s gorgeous, funny, likeable, and she can sing like a freakin’ angel. Breakaway is just a great album from start to finish. It’s another one of those albums that takes you on a journey, and I love that. Another thing I love about this album is that it’s a great album if you need to angry sing. I can’t count how many days this album’s gotten me through just because of songs like “Addicted”, “Behind Those Hazel Eyes” and” Hear Me”. There’s also softness, with tracks like “Because of You “(one of her biggest hits) and “Beautiful Disaster”, one of my personal favorites. I would list that song among my very favorite songs ever, not only by Kelly, but in general. The lyrics are so poignant, and they tug at the heartstrings as she sings about loving someone that is broken. One of my favorite lines is: he’s magic and myth/As strong as what I believe/a tragedy with/more damage than a soul should see.” The song is just absolutely beautiful. Even over ten years later, this album stays in rotation in my collection, just because of how damn good it is.

4.      The Block—NKOTB. Y’all knew this one was coming right? I would NOT have made it through 2008/2009 without this album. I wouldn’t have. The songs on this album brought me so much joy at a time in my life that was incredibly difficult. I’ve spoken several times about how much I love NKOTB, and out of all their albums, I think this one has to be my favorite. The songs are just fun. They make me want to dance. They’re truly my happy place. I cannot listen to this album without thinking about trips to Southport with Melissa, my best friend, singing at the top of our lungs in line for the ferry. Everyone needs that album that just makes them happy whenever they hear it, and this is definitely it for me. Songs like “Single”, “Summertime”, “Dirty Dancing”, and “One Song” just make you want to dance. My favorites, personally, are “Single” and “Twisted”.  I like how gritty “Twisted” is, with a darkness that isn’t all bubblegum and light. If I could only listen to one NKOTB album for the rest of my life it’d have to be this one, just for that song alone.

5.      This Time Around—Hanson. This album isn’t just an album from my youth. To this day, it remains one of the most influential, resonant albums I’ve ever heard. The songs on this album speak so deeply to me, it’s almost as if they could have been written from my own soul. Songs like “Runaway Run”, “Save Me”, and “Wish that I was There” are wistful love songs with gripping lyrics. “If Only”, “This Time Around” and “In the City” are head bangers that up the tempo. There’s a song for every mood. My all time favorite Hanson song is on this album, the song that speaks to me above all others. “Song to Sing”, the last song on the album is a raw, pleading expression about needing something, anything to get you through rough times. For me, it’s always been about trying to get through periods of depression or feeling lost. The chorus is “I’m looking for a song to sing/I’m looking for a friend to borrow/I’m looking for my radio/so I might find a heart to follow/I’ve never been just longing for your loving/I’ve never been so waring down to nothing/I’ve never been just looking for a reason/so that maybe you’ll be thinking of me.” As a teenager, it spoke to me on an almost cellular level, and still, as I am firmly entrenched in adulthood, the sadness and need in the song aches through my veins when I listen to it. It’s an album full of youth and fire, but there’s a maturity that makes this still a fully relevant album.

6.      For My Broken Heart—Reba. This album is a tribute to Reba’s band that she lost in a plane crash in the early 90s. As such, it is an exercise in sorrow. Reba is a fantastic storyteller, and as far as female country singers go, in my opinion, she is unbeatable. Almost every song on the album is sorrowful, but it’s not overbearingly sad. No album I can think of can illustrate the beauty, heaviness, and individuality of grief as this one does. My two favorite songs on the album are “The Greatest Man I Never Knew” and “If I Had Only Known.” These two songs especially personify what it’s like to lose someone you love, and the longing and sorrow that comes from that. As a child, I could understand the meaning of the songs, but as an adult, I can truly feel the heartbreak. 

7.      Fresh Horses—Garth Brooks.  Garth is a legend. All of his albums are wonderful, and unique, and I enjoy each and every one of them, but there’s something about Fresh Horses that has stayed with me since I was a child. Whether it’s the in your face, rock edged “The Old Stuff”, or the fast paced Fever, there are songs that get your blood pumping and get you hyped. There are also great love songs, such as “She’s Every Woman” and “To Make You Feel My Love”. I love the flow of the album, and the thoughtful, careful way the songs are arranged. Garth is a phenomenal storyteller, as songs like “That Ol Wind” showcase. However, for me, the very best song on the album is the last one. “Ireland” is a haunting, historical ballad. The track is unique, using the best of Garth’s storytelling abilities to transport the listener into Ireland at a time of war. You can not only visualize the majesty and stunning scenery of the country, but feel the inevitability of death and darkness through the battle as the tempo picks up. I can’t think of another song like it, and for that alone, this album is tops for me.

8.      Millennium---BSB.  Ahh, one of the biggest albums of my teenage years. I’m sure almost every girl in their teen years had this album. I remember going to get it the day it came out, because of course, that is just what you do as a teenage girl that loves boybands. I do still love this album and I feel there are some wonderful songs on it. I am a sucker for a good ballad, and Millennium is chock full of them. One of my all time favorites is “Back to Your Heart.’ It’s one of those great songs that you relate to more and more as you gain life experience. Another fantastic track from this album that I think is just a great song is “Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely.”  It’s got this aching, haunting quality that sets it apart from the rest of the songs on the album.

9.      Departure—Jesse McCartney. This is another one of those feel good CDs. It’s basically an hour long dance party, and I love that. Melissa and I played this one on a loop when we weren’t listening to The Block. There is a whole array of inside we jokes we have simply because of this CD. It’s another one of those that never fails to put me in the best mood, and I just want to belt out every song, from “Leavin” to “Body Language” and even “Told You So.” It’s not heavy on ballads, focusing more on high energy bops that make you smile.

10.   Hangin Tough—NKOTB.  Yes, the album that started my love affair with NKOTB at the tender age of 6 or so. I had this on cassette, and believe me when I tell you I wore it out in my troll Walkman (it had HAIR, y’all!). This is one of the first albums that I remember playing over and over, and believe me when I tell you that my mama was happy I had that Walkman! Even long after they had disbanded, and I’d not heard the songs in years, they were so emblazoned in my memory that when I found the CD in a second hand shop while I was in college, I still remembered every word to every song. There’s such a sweet feeling of nostalgia that comes with these songs, and it’s a feeling that has stayed with me my whole life. With such tracks as “The Right Stuff”, “Please Don’t Go Girl”, and “I’ll Be Lovin You Forever” the album is basically a pop lover’s dream come true. These songs are still favorites of mine, especially “Please Don’t Go Girl”, and I love that I am now able to share these songs that I loved as a child with my daughter.

11.   Here We Go Again—Joey McIntyre. My love affair with Joe Mac has gone on since I was 6. As an adult, I still adore him, and this album is my favorite of his. It’s another album that makes you want to dance, but there are some hard edged, gritty tracks as well. It’s an EP, meaning there are less than ten tracks, but he makes the most of those 7 tracks. The first two songs, the title track and “Something Else” are very in your face and energetic, but my favorite is by far track three, “I’m Waiting.” Lord have mercy, this is the SEXIEST song I have ever heard in my life. From the very first second you are lured in, and Joe Mac’s gritty, longing vocals just set the tone.  This album may be short and sweet, but it packs quite a powerful punch!

12.   Piece by Piece—Kelly Clarkson. Again, my queen. Of all of Clarkson’s albums, this one makes me the most emotional, probably because of the title track. It took me a good year before I could listen to the song without getting choked up. I relate to the song, and the waterworks just come on automatically when she hits the bridge (Piece by piece I fell far from the tree/I will never leave her like you left me/And she will never have to wonder her worth/Because unlike you I’m goin to put her first). There are loads of great tracks on this album. There are empowering, uplifting songs like “Invincible”, upbeat bops like “Heartbeat Song” and then power ballads sang like only Kelly can. I love the duet she does with John Legend, called “Run Run Run”. It’s smooth as silk, their voices perfectly paired. My other favorite would have to be “Someone”. The song is an apology to a former lover, after what seems to be a bad breakup (This is my apology/for saying all those shitty things/I wish I didn’t really mean/Sorry, I’m not sorry). At the heart of it, it’s about people wanting different things, with the singer saying that she does hope her former flame finds someone that will ultimately make him happy. There’s just enough lingering anger and sadness to keep it from being sappy or longing, and I love that.

There you have it, guys. Twelve of my absolute favorite albums. I hope you’ll take the time to click the links above, and maybe even check these albums out for yourself. Music is such a joy in life, and I am happy to share a bit of what makes me happy with you guys! Until next time, my friends!