Whoa, baby

"You need another baby so your daughter won't be so spoiled."

If even one day would go by without someone telling me I need another kid, I think I'd pass out. Why does everyone think the solution to my daughter's very open, sometimes sassy, always energetic, slightly spoiled personality is for me to have another child? Look, I get it. I live in an area where everyone knows everyone, and it feels like everybody and their mama knows your business, sometimes before you do. It's part of life you just get used to in small towns. What I don't understand is why the number of children I choose to have or don't have is anyone's business but mine and my husband's? It got me to thinking about the way we see families and children in our society, and as a result this week and next week are going to be centered around this subject. This week, it's about insidious questions people ask and unsolicited advice, particularly regarding having children.

I understand that when someone tells me I "need" another child, they aren't trying to be mean. I do. I even know most of the time it's said in a very tongue and cheek fashion. However, to me, it's an unneeded pressure. I don't "need" another baby. Having another child isn't going to make my daughter less sassy, or less spoiled. In fact, it may not knock her down a peg at all, as people are constantly telling me it will. Instead, it may say to her that she wasn't enough for us, or because she wasn’t "good' enough, we decided to punish her by having another human in our home that will take up more of our time, attention, and love. That doesn't instill good feelings for my daughter, and in fact, could make her resent further children, and even act out MORE. See the fault in that "more babies" logic?

Second, telling a woman, ANY woman, that she "needs" children is just wrong. You have NO idea what is going on in her life. She may not want children, and that's a valid choice. It doesn't make her selfish or less of a woman! She may not want to have MORE children, and that's also a valid choice. And then, everyone, there are the women that desperately want children, but can't have them. Think on that. Every time you ask one of these women "when are you going to have a baby?" or "you're getting on up there, don't you think you should start thinking about babies?" you are jabbing a knife in her heart. She may be doing everything possible to have a child, but every time you ask her why she hasn't yet, you are reinforcing in her the idea that somehow she is failing. She's not, at all, but that's what her mind is already telling her. Infertility and miscarriage are a hidden subject in our society, and thoughtless questions hurt. It's a subject I'll touch more on next week. The point is, quite simply, it's no one's business if a woman does or doesn't have kids.  The only person that should be concerned with her choices is her partner.

Look, there are so many things that go into having a child. The cost, financially physically, emotionally, and mentally is a huge one. It takes a lot out of you to be a mom, more than I ever could have imagined or prepared for. That doesn't mean that I don't absolutely love my daughter more than my own life. I do. But once you have a child, your life is irrevocably changed. Someone is dependent on you every minute of every hour of every day for the next 18 years. Your dreams and hopes and ambitions will take a backseat for a while, and that's okay. The platitudes are true. You don't really know what it's like to love someone until you have a child. It's a love unlike any other. However, it's a struggle unlike any other as well. The person you are before a child is not the person you are going to be afterward. That is a huge adjustment I wasn't prepared for when I had my daughter. It’s something I’ve struggled with as well, because I felt as though my entire identity was sucked into becoming Scoot’s mom. It’s so very easy to fall into that way of thinking, that who you were before your child no longer matters, and all that does matter is your child. That’s not true, and it’s not healthy. It took me a long time to navigate to a place where I feel as though I am evolving past that feeling. As much as I love my child, I have to have an identity outside of being just her mom.

Personally, it’s not that I don’t want another child. However, that doesn’t mean that I DO, either. It simply means that I don’t know. I’m almost 35, an age where birth defects in babies rise. Scoot is six and a half, a great age where as much as she challenges me, she can tell me what she needs and wants. Having another baby means starting back from zero. Diapers. Spit up. Cribs. Sleep training. Potty training. All of the battles of toddlerhood would be repeated. That being said, there’s also all the great stuff. The smell of a freshly washed baby. Sleepy snuggles. All the firsts. Baby laughs. I’ll admit, there are times that I get that tug of “Oh, babies!” Most of the time, though, that tug quickly dissipates. I don’t want to have another child unless I’m 100% sure that it’s something both my husband and I truly want.

You see, it’s a huge commitment, to have a second child. It’s an adjustment not only for me and my body, but for my entire family. Pregnancy itself I loved. I was one of those lucky women that had a very easy pregnancy, all things considered. I reveled in all those changes and new experiences that only come with a pregnancy. Everything after that, at least for me, has been tough. I suffered with post-partum depression, but was undiagnosed until Scoot was about a year old. Honestly, looking back, I was a MESS. I barely remember her first birthday. I was there in body, but my spirit wasn’t. I cried a lot. I was so very moody and almost unhinged. I don’t know how my husband dealt with me. There were so many times I remember sobbing until I ached all over while I rocked her because I felt so many emotions all at once. You see, PPD doesn’t make you stop feeling, at least in my case. I felt everything so sharply at all times it was as though I was being cut into ribbons inside. The anger, the sadness, even the joy. I didn’t have the words to describe it, and being a new mom with a husband that worked nights and slept all days was a challenge to say the least. There’s a very real chance that if I have another child, I’ll deal with PPD again. That isn’t the only thing affecting my decision to have another child, but it does factor in. I have more than myself and an infant to consider this time. I have the child I have now that wouldn’t understand the changes in me. Yes, I know how to ask for help, and I know my resources to use, but still. Depression and anxiety are sneaky, especially when you suffer from them already periodically.

To this day, I worry constantly that I’m not a good mother. It’s easy when you’re pregnant to follow doctor’s orders, to eat the right things and cut the caffeine. It’s so much harder once the baby is outside of your body, and you have no clear direction of what to do next. A lot of the things I’m writing now are things I haven’t even discussed with family.  What if I admit my concerns about being a good mom, and I’m told I’m right, that I’m not? It’s not that I need outside validation, or some shiny medal to prove my worth. I don’t. I just want to know that I’m not screwing up my kid. I’m not the perfect Pinterest mom. I get frustrated with her daily, usually over her stubborn nature. I feel like my days are spent saying “Scoot, don’t. Scoot, stop. What did I say?!” Am I scolding her too much, and not praising her enough? Do I have the proper balance of discipline and indulgence? Does she feel understood and loved, or just that I fuss at her all the time? I find myself feeling defeated nearly every day. There are still days bad enough that I cry. Is she going to look back and say, “my mom was terrible? All she did was snap at me all the time?” Or will she say, “my mom loved me enough to correct me when I was wrong, and push me to be better?” I don’t know. She’s only six, and I could ask her, but she’d probably just tell me what she thinks I want to hear.

I feel helpless sometimes. I want to give her everything I can, but sometimes I just simply don’t know how. If I say I don’t want another child, am I selfish? Does wanting things outside of motherhood mean that I’m too greedy, or I don’t care about my family? Will my parents or my daughter think I am in some way letting them down if I don’t provide another child? I don’t know. What are the right answers? These questions make me lose sleep, because I do worry. As much as I’ve loved being a mom, I want other things too. I want to write more, and possibly make a career from that. I want to travel, and see things that I’ve never seen before. There are so many things that I would love to do, and if I have another child, yes, those things will be affected. Am I selfish for realizing that, and saying that there’s a chance I don’t want to let go of those things?

 I see other moms, most with multiple children rolling through life like it’s a breeze, and even though I know in my heart that every mom struggles, it doesn’t seem like it. I wonder if they worry about the same things I do, or if their way of parenting is more effective than mine. Suffice it to say, that I worry a lot, every day, and I know that adding another kiddo onto that will only compound my worries. Because if I really am screwing up my kid, then I’d be screwing up double. Don’t misunderstand me. Not for one second am I saying I regret being a mother, or having my daughter.  For all the struggle and worry and frustration there is, she adds more than I could have ever imagined. The conversations we have, the laughs, the snuggles on the couch are all priceless. I know that a lot of the time we butt heads, but she amazes me every single day as well. I just don’t know if I want to upset our balance by adding in another child.

Also, I have to say, the pressure we put on women to be moms, or have more kids? That has to stop. As I’ve stated, her choices are her own, and her reasons are her own. Why do others feel the need to police reproduction? If a woman has no kids, she “needs” to. If she only has one, her child “needs” a sibling. If a woman has four kids, “why does she have so many kids?” How is any of this anyone’s business? Look, women already have enough pressure on them. We’re told by society how to act, how to speak, how much education we need, how our relationships should look, and how to parent. We are judged, every single day of our lives on our actions, looks, personalities, and so on. When we become mothers, that judgment increases tenfold. It’s a never ending cycle that never seems to stop, and when you add in people that are telling you, to your face, that “you are letting people down if you don’t have another baby,” that is not fair. Women should never be guilted into having children because they have been told it’s unfair to someone if they don’t.

Look, I love my family dearly. I love the life we’re building together, just as it is. Whether or not I ever have another child, I am happy with what I have right now. The decisions my husband and I make regarding our family should be our own, and they will be. I can’t allow myself to bow down to outside pressure, in order to fulfill some image of the ideal family. My daughter, with all her quirks and sass, IS my ideal. Remember, words have consequences. You don’t know what battles people are fighting. What you think is the right thing may be the straw that breaks another person’s back. It’s not up to us to dictate what another person’s ideal family should be, or shouldn’t be. Maybe I’m overly sensitive, I don’t know. Maybe I’m alone in being frustrated over “the question”, but maybe, just maybe, there are other women out there that are frustrated as well. To them I say, you’re not alone. Don’t let others pressure you into decisions that affect you and your family.

That’s all for this week. Coming up soon, I’ll have a blog based on infertility and miscarriage. If you or anyone you know are interested in contributing, please feel free to message me! Until next time!

Book Reviews!

Welcome back, everyone! Another week in the books! I hope everyone is doing well, and thriving in this crazy, sometimes scary world we’re living in. I’ve been working on a list of upcoming topics, and I’m pretty excited. I have some more in depth, heavy subjects down the pipeline that I can’t wait to explore, but in order to do my best on them, I need time and focus. I’m actually laying down the research for one right now, and I can’t wait to share it with you! In the meantime, this week I want to talk about some books I’ve recently read. A couple of weeks ago, I started using Net Galley, and I’m enjoying it. It’s a website that works with publishers and it allows readers to preview books before they’re published in order to give feedback on them. I know, I’m probably late to the game, but then I usually am! I’ve reviewed four books in that time, and while some haven’t been so great, some have been truly wonderful! In my reviews, I strive to be fair, and as a result, I focus only on the book at hand, not on the author.

Pretty Ugly Lies by Pamela Crane.

This is actually the book that led me to Net Galley. I was really excited to get to read this book, and that excitement was warranted! This has been one of the best books I’ve read this year. This book is about four women that appear to have the perfect life, but underneath the varnish of the great neighborhood, there are deep, dark secrets that threaten their families, and even lives. At its heart, it's also about the struggles of being a mother, and I loved how it wasn't sugarcoated with the usual platitudes. Crane didn't shy away from the loneliness, or the frustration, or the darkness that can come with being a stay at home mom. I could relate to some of these themes, being a SAHM myself. This book shows the sides of motherhood that aren't often talked about, or written about. The book is about how the perfect, ideal life we often present to the world isn’t the real story. As the main characters struggle with varying factors from mental illness, autism, infidelity, and so on, you can feel the darkness creeping closer. The pace of the book is consistent, and the twist at the end is a good one! I wasn't expecting it, but in the context of the whole novel, it made sense.

I loved that the characters felt like women I knew. They were flawed. They were simply trying their best in a world where women are told every day that they have to be the perfect, ideal wife, mother, worker, et cetera. The pace of the novel is also great, as it never slacks off or gets too fast. The twists and turns are just enough, but somehow still jolt the reader. All in all, I highly recommend this book! It’s now available, as of this week, and is sold on Amazon.

She’s Having Her Baby by Lauren Sams

This one took me on a journey, and not one I’m sure I really loved. I had a love/hate relationship with this book. I really enjoyed the tone and the flow of the writing. There was humor, and a lightness that permeated most of the book. There was also a weight to some sections, as there should be when the subject of children come up. I liked the subject as well, of a woman that isn't sure she wants children deciding to have a baby for her best friend, and all the twists and turns that journey takes her.

Now, for what I wasn't so happy about. I didn't like the main character, George. At 34, she's a woman the same age as myself. She has a great life, but she doesn't seem satisfied. She is supremely judgmental of Ellie, who is supposed to be one of her best friends. In fact, she seems to judge every woman with children, to the point where she sees herself as superior to them. On top of that, she's childish herself, only wanting things the way she wants them. In her work life, for instance, she doesn't want to adapt to the changing market, and this causes her trouble. Even once she's pregnant, she doesn't think her life will change at all because of it. She was hard to take seriously at times, and I found myself wanting to shake her more than once. I found it somewhat unbelievable that a woman that is as smart and professional as George is supposed to be to be as dense as she came off in the book.

The characters of Ellie and Nina saved this book for me. They are great friends to George, in different ways, and without them as balance, this book may well have been unreadable. I like that they call George out on her BS, and help her to grow as a person.

All in all, by the end of the book, I was glad to have read it. I'd probably read it again, as it was enjoyable for a good bit when I wasn't frustrated with George. Still, I caution you that if you read this, you may feel the same frustrations with her. Hang in there, because Nina and Ellie are the true heroes of the story!

Chasing Eveline by Leslie Hauser

This is a YA novel, but as I still read those quite often, I will say I enjoyed it. This is the story of Ivy, a teenage girl dealing with the fact that her mother has walked out on her and her dad. She copes with that loss by finding solace in her favorite band, who was also her mom’s favorite band, an Irish band named Chasing Eveline. In ivy’s mind, if more people discover this long lost band from the 80s, and love their music, the band will get back together, giving her faith in love and truth and hope. Now, I will say that for a 17 year old, Ivy can seem a little juvenile, but that could be me looking at her through the lens of being an adult. She is almost desperate in her need to introduce her peers to this band, but through that desperation, there is growth. I think that’s what really drew me in. This band is her happy spot in a world that she no longer understands, and as someone that loves music and bands, I can truly relate to that. To be able to not only find solace in music, but truth is a certain kind of magic, and I felt the author displayed that well. Ivy makes some tough realizations about life, but by the end of the book, I felt that she’d come to terms with those realizations. All in all, this is a great little read about the power of music and friendship, and learning how to live after tragedy.

The Lost Sister by Tracy Buchanan

There were things I really liked about this book, and then things that I didn't. The book is told from the point of view of Selma, a woman telling the story of her life, and Becky, her daughter. Upon Selma’s death, Becky learns of a sister that she never knew she had, and the book is about her journey to find this sister. I love the themes of complicated mother/daughter relationships, love, depression, and self discovery. These are all themes I thought the author handled well.

I did feel at times the book dragged along a little. There were points where it got a little slow, but the narrative stayed strong throughout, and I really enjoyed the small twist at the end. It wasn't overdone, or expected, and it really got me. Also, I felt Selma at times was an unreliable narrator. She lied, constantly, and it made me wonder if the story she was telling was even the truth.

Now, for what I wasn't so crazy it about. The change in person and tense pulled me out of the narrative every time it switched from Selma to Becky's perspective. It was jarring going from first person past tense to third person present tense with the flip of a page. I understand why it was written that way, but all in all, it really pulled me out of a narrative where the change wasn't needed. I feel this book could have been just as successful, or even more so, if one tense and person was used. Now, I realize that some people may not even notice this change or if they do, they won’t be bothered by it, but I was. All in all, I liked this book fairly well, and I do think it’s worth a read!

So far, these are the only books I’ve read so far on Net Galley. I’m currently reading another, and perhaps I’ll do another book review blog in a few weeks! If you’ve liked this week’s blog, or if you read any of these books, let me know! Also, I’m always looking for suggestions of what you guys would like to read, or subjects you would like to me to write about. Until next time!

TV Time! My Favorite Shows

Hello, everyone! One month after our big move, and yes, we’re still adjusting! As life often is, things have been chaotic. Hubby’s been sick off and on ever since we moved, so he finally went back to the doctor. All is well, thank goodness, but it’s been a struggle for this mama to keep it all together, especially when I have a cat and dog constantly chasing each other around my feet! So, this week, I’m keeping things light once again. I promise, I have some more in depth, heavier topics coming down the pike. I want to be sure that I can give them my full attention and give them the due diligence they deserve. In the meantime, if you have any topics you’d like to see me cover, please drop them in the comments! I’m always on the hunt for inspiration. This week, I’m sharing some of my favorite shows. I’ll add in special links, just in case you want to check them out for yourself. And hey, it’s Amazon Prime Day on July 16^th, so treat yourself!

My favorite shows

1.      ER: I fell in love with this show as a child. The fast paced energy, the inside look at what it really means to work in an ER (through a TV lens, of course. I know it’s not an actual representation), and the characters just held my attention. I’ll never forget the first episode I ever saw. It was early in the series, the one where George Clooney’s character, Dr. Ross, is late for a fundraiser or something. He goes into a storm drain, culvert situation to rescue a boy that is trapped. I’ll never forget watching him staggering through all the water holding the boy, then doing a surgical procedure with a ball point pen and a pocket knife. I was hooked from that moment on. ER is more than a medical drama. It’s about human frailty. It’s humanity, at it’s most bare and raw. The characters are all so well written, and I challenge you not to fall in love with at least one of them! Who doesn’t love Dr. Mark Greene, played by Anthony Edwards? I was always a John Carter girl myself, and still am! I recently started rewatching the series, and though some of the technology is out of date, I found that for a show that’s more than 20 years old, it still holds up well! I’m sure it’s on some streaming platform, but I love a DVD copy of shows I especially love to binge, so here’s a link to Season 1!

2.      Psych: This is a relatively recent find for me. I never watched it when it was on the air, but once I discovered it on Netflix, I was HOOKED. I love the pairing of James Roday and Dule Hill as Shawn and Gus, and the other characters are just as amazing. From the snarky wit and innumerable quips and name drops of 80s references, to the moments of sincerity and weight, there’s a little something for everyone. This is one of those shows that I watch when I am in a bad mood, or just need a laugh, because it never fails. No matter  how many times I watch it, I always discover something new that I’ve never noticed before. I love the small nuances and how they are tucked into the overall picture of the show, and most of all, I love how Psych never takes itself too seriously. I mean, the show centers on Shawn Spencer, a man that fools everyone around him into thinking he’s a psychic! It’s just an allstar cast, and even when the story lines are slightly absurd, somehow it all works. I highly recommend the DVDs, just because on those you can see all the outtakes (some of which have made me laugh so hard I cried), but it’s also on Amazon Prime. I’ll link both below!  PS: There’s a Psych The Movie that aired in December, and another in the works! This Psych-O can’t wait!

3.      One Tree Hill:  If you’re looking for a show that will make you laugh, make you cry, and everything in between, this is the one for you. This show began airing while I was in college, and it was SO relatable to me. Interestingly, however, it’s still as relatable to me as an adult. This was one of those shows that I watched religiously while it was on air, to the point where I would only talk to people during commercial breaks. OTH time was sacred! Don’t let the premise of the show see it as just another vapid teen drama. The synopsis will tell you it’s about two boys that share the same father, growing up in a small town, one the chosen son, one shunned, and their desire to play basketball, but this show isn’t just about that. It’s about finding one’s self, and learning how to navigate life. The writing is wonderful, and I have to say, it has one of the best female role models for young girls. Brooke Davis, played by Sophia Bush, is a shining example of how a woman can grow and change from who she was, and how you aren’t always what you show the world. There are so many moments in this show that spoke to me, whether serious or funny, and so many episodes that rocked me to my core. I’m looking at you, Season 3. The episode in Season 3 that depicts a school shooting was somewhat revolutionary, because it talked honestly about a topic that most shows to that point had shied away from. As someone that went to high school right at the rise of the school shooting epidemic, this episode hit me HARD, and to this day, I can’t watch it without absolutely sobbing. Apparently, my love for this show is contagious, because my mom and some of my best friends caught the bug from me, and have been hooked as well.

4.      Hart of Dixie: Another fun, quirky little show! Zoe Hart, a surgeon from NYC, discovers that she’s been left half of a medical practice in Bluebell, Alabama.  It sounds silly, and yes, it can be at times, but this show is so full of life! Unlike some shows that portray life in the South, this one doesn’t seem overdone and the accents are on point. Some shows love to make fun of the south, but this one seems to embrace the quirks and idiosyncrasies not only of the south itself but of small towns. You just get absorbed, and fall in love with the town and its citizens. It’s not a very long show, only 4 seasons, but it never feels stale. I feel like you really get to know each character, and their backstories in a way that is true to the overall narrative of the show. I think what I love about the show so much is that we all know what it’s like to try to find our place in the world, and sometimes we realize it’s not where we thought it’d be.  Right now, it’s on Netflix, but it’s also available for purchase by the season on Amazon!

5.      This Is Us: Yes. This is Us. You read that right. Y’all, this show. This show will rip your heart right out of your chest, stomp on it, crush it, somehow build it back stronger than it was before, and put it right back in your chest. Usually when a show is a runaway hit, it’s not always that great, but this one IS. Every episode from the pilot onward is just a slice of what it’s like to be human. The show follows the Pearson family, Jack, Rebecca, and their children, “triplets” Kate and Kevin, and their adopted brother Randall. I can honestly say I’ve never seen a show like this before, that weaves the past and present together so seamlessly, and manages not to lose the heart of it in the process. The vulnerability of each of the characters is so relatable and heartfelt, but no character is more loved (probably) than that of Jack, the patriarch of the family.  He is the linchpin of the series, and everything seems to spiral out from him and his life. Of all the shows I’ve listed, this is the one that is still on the air, and season 3 is airing this fall, on NBC, but until then, you can catch up on Amazon. Just make sure you have a whole box of tissues…for each episode.

6.      Boy Meets World:  Who DOESN’T love BMW?? It’s a great coming of age show! It’s infinitely quotable, funny, memorable, and yet, it seems to cover some pretty strong topics for a teen show. Besides, what girl didn’t have a crush on Shawn?? I know I did! The characters almost became friends for a long time in my life. Cory, the delightfully goofy, unsure lead. Topanga, the gorgeous girl that was whip smart and loving. Shawn, dark, funny, a little lost. Mr. Feeny. Oh, my heart, Mr. Feeny. He was probably my favorite character of the entire series, and if you tell me your heart didn’t break in the series finale, I just won’t understand it.  If you’ve never seen it, it’s one to watch. Sure, it’s a little campy, but it’ll hit you right in the nostalgia. It’s a show for the whole family!

7.      Glee: I’ll be honest. I LOVE this show, but I really dislike most of the characters! That being said, I think what I love about it is even through imperfections, there is beauty. All of the characters are flawed, and in some cases annoying or even downright unlikeable, but at the end of the day, I really did grow to like most of them. I love the struggles the Glee club goes through, from trying to find acceptance in the rough world of high school to fighting off the odd entity that is Sue Sylvester. The show doesn’t shy away from how cruel high school kids or even adults can be, and while the show is called Glee, it isn’t always happy. In fact, there are times when the show is very serious, and it covers weighty topics like homosexuality, coming out, transsexuality, bullying, violence, et cetera. Honestly, the show is ridiculous at times, but I enjoy that. I also love some of the outrageous things Sue says and does. If you’re looking for something slightly different, and a little offbeat, I’d recommend this one! Here is a link for the pilot on Amazon, but I think it’s still on Netflix as well!

8.      The Man in the High Castle:  I am still working through this one, because I only recently found out about it. Wow. This show is unlike anything else on this list. It’s dark, unsettling, and one that you really have to pay attention to. This is the story of America, if America had lost WWII. Most of the eastern part of the country is ruled by Germany, and the west is controlled by Japan, leaving only a small sliver of the country that is lawless. There’s more to the show than that, and it is extremely complex, but ever so interesting. It’s almost uncomfortable watching it at times, because you may see parallels between some of what is going on today in our country and what happens in the show. History truly is written by those that win, and this is a great example of that. The show is only available on Amazon, but it’s a worthy watch, especially if you’re looking for something a little more dark. Even if you don’t think you’d like it (I didn’t) I urge you to at least watch the pilot.

9.      Queer Eye. I am in love with this show.  You guys, this isn’t just a makeover show. This is about learning to love yourself because you are worth it. It’s just fun, and light, and everything good in a world that sometimes feels far too oppressive. It’s only 16 episodes for both seasons (and even though the second season just came out last month, I am in desperate need of another), and you can binge it in two days. What’s it about? Well, as the only reality show on the list, it’s about five gay men (the Fab 5), Karamo, Antoni, Jonathan, Bobby, and Tan, that help men in and around Atlanta learn to update their looks and self care. It sounds vapid, and silly, and when I first clicked the watch button, I honestly didn’t think I’d fall in love, but I did. The mentors are just wonderful, helping to build spirit more than anything. Sure, there are fashion lessons and cooking lessons but at its heart, these men are teaching other men that they matter, and they are worth more than they give themselves. It’s a show about loving yourself, no matter your circumstances, what you look like, who you love, and all those other things. It’s a ray of light in the darkness, and if you ever just need a reason to smile, watch this. I promise it’ll work. It’s only on Netflix, so get some tissues, and binge!

10.   The McCarthys: I hope you guys didn’t think I’d have a list of my favorite shows and not include this gem! The Best Show Ever Cancelled After Just One Season, as the cast calls it, and I agree! The McCarthys is delightfully funny, with a great cast that is a mix of well known actors (Laurie Metcalf, Joey McIntyre, and Jack McGee) with some fresh faces (Tyler Ritter, Jimmy Dunn, and Kelen Coleman). The cast gels together so well, and really feels like a family. The snark and humor are the best thing about this show, and I can pretty much quote every episode. Basically, it’s a sitcom about a Boston family that loves sports. Totally doesn’t sound like my type of show at all, but I love it. I love that it just feels like every family. The humor, the snark, the loving support of parents that only want the best for their kids, even if those kids are grown up. It’s about sibling rivalry, and sibling love. It’s about overbearing parents and unconditional support. It’s all of these things wrapped up in a sarcastic little bow, and I was so, so disappointed when it was cancelled. It’s been 3 years, and honestly, I’m still mad at CBS for the way they treated this show. I highly recommend it! You can get the only season on Amazon. You won’t regret it!

For the Love of Scoot

Hello, friends! I hope that you had a great 4^th, whether you were celebrating America’s birthday, or just enjoying a Wednesday! Around my neck of the woods, we’re still attempting to settle into our new rhythm in our new home. It’s a delicate balance living with day to day tasks while still injecting personality on these blank walls! I’m itching to get my kitchen painted, and banish the Hershey’s brown walls that currently mock me every day. Seriously, guys, the people that lived here before us LOVED brown and green! Every room in this house is either brown or green, except for a pink tiled bathroom. That’s a topic for another day though!

As with every move, it’s come with some challenges. We’ve not only switched homes, but we live in a new town, in a new county. Yes, it’s only 25 or so minutes from our old home, but for a six year old that’s a giant leap. For Scoot, this move represents a lot of changes, and I think that meeting with her new principal at her new school this week has made it real for her. While for hubby and me, this move was imperative, and the best thing for our family, to Scoot it’s as if we’re changing everything in her little world. All she sees is that we’re ripping her away from her friends, her teachers, and the school environment she was already used to after one school year.

So, why did we do it, then? Why did we make the decision to move her from the school she was attending? It’s quite simple, really. We felt she needed more than she was getting at school. While she had an amazing kindergarten teacher that worked with her, and recognized how smart Scoot is, we also had quite a fair bit of problems and adjustments. You see, Scoot went into kindergarten already reading at a high level. She wasn’t challenged by the work that kindergarteners do, so of course she was causing trouble. Because she’d been at home with me since birth, she desperately needed kindergarten to learn how to interact with others, and how to succeed in a classroom setting. There was a period of time when her teacher and I were talking almost every day about problems in the classroom. Not that my kid is a bad kid, or even a troublemaker, but she was bored. She needed more. Her teacher was trying her best, but she is one woman with 22 other students to take care of, and her assistant was less than stellar. I kept noticing the same two library books were in  her bookbag for weeks at a time, never changing, which for a child that can read as my daughter can, that was concerning. She’d come home and tell us what this assistant had said or told students and I was shocked.

One such incident was when a student fell, and cried. This assistant instructed the class to taunt this child, and call him a crybaby. What educator does that? Another incident was shortly after that. Scoot came home with a mark on her face, and when I inquired about it, she told me a boy in her class had punched her. As any mother would be, I was furious. I called the principal immediately (who NEVER once responded to any call that I made to her) as well as her teacher and explained what Scoot had told me happened. Steps were taken, but I didn’t feel they were the right ones (Scoot was moved to sit beside the teacher’s desk, not the child that hit her), so I emailed the assistant principal. I let him know what happened, and told him the most damning piece of information I’d heard from my child. She told us that the TA told the children that if someone hits you, to hit back. While all ended up okay in the end, the incident has never left my mind. The assistant principal was wonderful, and I know he did his best, as did her teacher. Halfway through the year, the TA we’d struggled with was replaced with a different TA, and I did notice a huge change in Scoot’s school behavior. I learned near the end of school that the principal had actually pulled the new TA aside and told her that her focus in the classroom was to work with Scoot, and help her, because she was so smart. I wasn’t even aware that the principal knew of my child, but at that point, it was too little too late. We’d already made the decision to move.

I will forever be grateful to her kindergarten teacher and the second TA. Once the two of them were together, it was a dream team for my child, and the second half of her first year of school was largely without incident. Under their guidance and care, Scoot went from reading on a first/second grade reading comprehension level to reading somewhere between and 2^nd and fourth grade reading level. In AR (accelerated reading) she was one of only a handful of kindergarteners that participated. The program measures how many words are read by students, and she logged in over 17,000. Her score was four times higher than the 2^nd place kindergarten reader. She was thriving, but I also knew that when the school year ended, she wouldn’t have the same teachers next year. I knew she needed more tools, and a better education system.  

Tuesday was our meeting with the new principal, and while I immediately fell in love with the school and all the tools they’ll have available for my daughter, my girl isn’t so sure. I hadn’t counted on how much anxiety this would cause her. She’s worried about making friends. She tells me she misses her old friends, and her teachers. She’s broken down in tears, and it makes me feel like an awful parent for putting her through this stress. How do you explain to a six year old that her education is so important? That she deserves everything I can offer her, and this school is going to be so much better for her?  I’ve explained that it’s okay to be scared, but that it’s all going to be okay. So far, she doesn’t seem to believe me. All she sees is that I’ve taken her from a familiar world, with her friends, and plunked her in a situation where she doesn’t know anyone.  I understand her fears. After all, I don’t love new situations myself. I also know in my heart that once school starts, and she meets the kids, she’s going to be fine, but in the meantime I don’t want her to wallow in fear. Normally, she so sure of everything, so it breaks my heart to see her so clearly worried.

It’s a discussion we have nearly every day. We’ve taken her by the school, even walked to it (we’re that close!) and I explained that I’m going to walk her to school each day. We’ve shown her the playground, so she could see there is one that she’ll play at with her new friends. In a couple of weeks, we’ll go back for a tour of the school before the school year begins. I’ve stressed time and again that her best friends will still be her best friends, and she will have opportunities to play with them. I am going to make play dates for her with these friends, if at all possible. I’m trying everything I can to make this transition easier for her. I just wish I knew what words to say to her to soothe her worry.  This is just one of those times when doing what you know is best for your child is incredibly difficult.

Have you experienced this yourself, or with your own child? What was helpful? What wasn’t? Any tool I can use to make this easier on my family, I’m open to! If you have any tips or advice, I’d love to hear it. For now, though, I have a date with my girl so we can write a story. She wants to write about puppies. Until next time!